My man gets upset when I give my son food

Dear Pastor,

I am 41 years old, and I am having a relationship with a man who is 50 years old. I am divorced, and I have two children. My children are not living with me. They were living with their father, but my son is always visiting me. Sometimes when he is going home from work he stops, and if I am cooking, he will wait until the dinner is ready and I would share some for him.

My man does not like that. I told him that my son gives me money sometimes, so if he wants a little dinner, I can’t hold back on him.

My daughter is studying abroad, and a few times she has visited Jamaica. She spends some time with me and the man doesn’t fuss about that. I am working, and I have my little house from Housing Trust. I am still paying for it. I can’t rent it because that is where my son lives. Their father is living with another woman. I also have a brother who is sickly and unemployed, and he is living at the house too.

My son is not earning much, and he also has a girlfriend who is pregnant. This man said I spoilt my son because he should not have a babymother. His babymother is not working. I am no burden to this man. Sometimes I am tempted to leave him and go back to my place, but the area is bad. And this man knows that I don’t like there. He is the one who encouraged me to leave and come and live with him.

Now it seems as if we are going to break up because I give my son a little food sometimes. I don’t want to tell my son not to stop here for food. He is my son, and he is not a bad son. I told this man that I will never get married to him because my children come first in my life, and he doesn’t love them.

I am asking you for your advice.


Dear P.F.,

Discourage your son from coming to see you for dinner often. If his girlfriend is living with him at the home, she should cook for him. You think the man with whom you are living is wrong to talk about your son coming there for dinner often. He believes that as a mature man, he should stand on his own and support himself because eating at your house regularly gives the impression that he is eating this man’s labour.

So, instead of fussing with your partner, reason with your son and tell him to visit you occasionally, but not every day and expect to have dinner from you.

It is unfortunate that at your age, you have gone to live with a man. You should not have left your home. I believe that you made the wrong decision. And now that you believe that this man is miserable and mean, you are contemplating if you should move out.

I suggest that before you move, make an appointment to see a family counsellor. You are a grown woman. Don’t allow this man or any other man to use and abuse you. Try and keep up your payments on your house. It might be small, but it’s yours. You say you will never marry this man, but some people say things and change their minds after. I repeat, make an appointment for you and this man to see a family counsellor.



  1. This sounds like one of those unhealthy mother/son relationships. If his girlfriend is pregnant, why is he still stopping by for dinner over your house? He should go eat with his pregnant woman. Learn to cook or buy food. Lady let this boy grow up. I can imagine there is a lot more that you didn’t speak about. Your man sees what is happening, and he is trying to get you to wean the boy.

  2. The man is a asshole. Making problem over lil food, real ole nigga. Which man could tell me no feed my kids whether they young or grown? Dash weh that jancrow. Anybody that will argue over food you feeding ur own family is not a good person. Go back a ur dwellings and run left him

  3. That is one very petty man, from her son nah empty the pantry, a fuss over little food she give her son, mek him Gweh. That’s why it good to be independent and not depending on man. Buy you owns food and him cyaan complain if you feed the fruit of your womb. You can always get a next man, but you son is you son till death. The reason he don’t mind when the daughter come to visit. Given the opportunity him woulda look the daughtet

  4. The son is working and he give the mum money. He doesn’t sound like a waste son. He could be out there scamming and stealing. As a mum, your door is always open to your kids and we all know there is no cooking like a mother’s. This man is being unfair. I would love to know if the man have kids of his own and how he treats them. He took on the woman knowing she have kids. Pastor shouldn’t be telling the woman to turn away her son. He is not living with her or burdening her, it is just a little food. The man sound mean and he wants to isolate the mother from her family. Pastor, you sound like you need family counselling, bout dont feed u Pinckney!

  5. I’m convinced that this pastor needs a pastor. My kids come FIRST! Really and truly, what is food? Gimme a [email protected] break. That old ass man is mean to really cuss over food. There ain’t no cooking like mom’s cooking. My daughter only fancies my cooking and I doubt that will change. 41 is still young, lef the ole bitta man yes. I can only imagine how he treats his own children.

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