GIVING UP THE MAN FOR LENT

Hi pinky hmid
I don’t know how to start so I’m going to just begin … I was abused as a child sexual, verbally, physically and mentally…. I kept everything inside I never told anyone. I just walked around as if nothing ever happened… with an abusive childhood and being a female and all I became what they call a product of my environment, I didn’t grow with a Mother or a father and I was the oldest, everything was always on me from washing school uniform to ironing to babysitting and once something wasn’t done right I would hear you cya do nuttin right mi never see your second yet, you wicked like you evil father and family..
beatings with electric wire cut house anything in arms reach I felt like I was living in hell… we were even brainwashed into thinking if we went to school and talk the people would take us and the treatment we wound endure would be 100x worse than what we thought we were getting so no one said a word…… I became a teenager went to high school and at this point I wanted to do what my peers where doing go to school games, function, movies ect but as I stated I was the oldest so I was told I have to

watch them” I know you are thinking oh she just did want go tek man ( never had to go out and look anyone because it’s seems it was predestined for me to be molested and lured on by those close by, they found a church to send us to every single Sunday according to them it was them free time (they got in the house to themselves) I was around 12 by the time I was 13 a older male church member decided to set his eye on me, first it started by teaching me instruments then by bible study, till one thing I know I was no longer a virgin) so when I say all I wanted to do was hang out

with my friends I mean it from the bottom of my heart because I want to let them know having sex was easy cause all I had to say was church) by my second year in high school I left home, I remember thinking to myself all these people do is give me a roof and food they go on their phones and talk crap about me everyday as if I’m not good enough and how I’m evil like my other side of family I didn’t have any clothes basically hand me downs and a one shoes and before you say they’ll did a struggle (lie) they had (pharmaceutical money) so I decided to runaway and went to live with strangers another disaster (jump out of pot and into frying pan) I just left one house to get liberty taken on me at a next because I was a young yamhead… anyways fast forward

at around 25 I met this guy and the way he treated me I felt like I found mr right …. after an abusive childhood going through postpartum I though God finally shined on me this guy would would wash cook and clean and do everything I asked he was so helpful with my son pick up drop offs everything a single mother could ask for In a man (really had it ruff with my son and being in America undocumented) it’s like I unknowingly I allowed the man to be the center of my life I was low in self esteem and confidence and the way he treated me is like I was on top of the world I told him everything very deep dark secrets every nook every cranny I shared with him my

that was the BIGGEST mistake I ever made In my life… after a couple months things went sore because it seem he had ulterior motives for my life and when things didn’t go the way he wanted it to go he became what seems to be my number one enemy.. started cheating when i would confront him he would become so hostile and would throw my past in my face “go look fi who molest yuh” “go look fi ya family dem weh abandon yuh” or yuh Pinckney father weh not minding him son a them hurt yuh not me if I could kill myself I would if the ground could open and swallow me up I would’ve begged for it to at that time…This went on for 10 years yes I said 10 years and nothing has changed. Things have only gotten worse this person that made me feel like the apple of his eyes the turned out to be the devil in living flesh I thought man was evil for cheating but I never came across one

like this one who would help you with you troubles just to latter throw it in your face…met the man go drop pon him face who tell god fi go Mek that happen Jesus the man woulda kill ma and pressure me fi me money and bring up weh him did do fi me son met the man start fuck down the place like dog push up him gyal dem ina me face, one ask mi one time if mi think mi did special, one class me say him suck them pussy, then him meet one weh him act as if him a fi citing and me and do offender gyal class me say me no go no weh in a life more than weh me deh Bc this man go tell har say a me a fi reason why him mash up and don’t have nothing 😳 can you believe all that

I have already endured with this man him find a fool to follow him met him bring me down to nothing mi get maga and dry up like me no know weh fi say me get cranny and ugly tough face look like man all I could do for years is work and sleep work and sleep everyday was a cussing weh all the Neihbor dem a here him bring up bout di child abuse everything in the book he could think of to tell me so he didn’t feel bad Bc to him that’s what was hurting me not him he’s and angel and is Bc I want to control him that’s why me mad … met the man would go out his way to try tear me down and let me ever defend me self me act like me better than people that why him deal with me

so him want see my heart ina me belly so me left him so mi tek him back gyal all bun him and a when we a cuss him a tell me say a nuh me Mek him and him gyal left a bun shi bun him day why them mash up met all I could do was thank god cause me know a jail me woulda deh for murder all a this happened under my roof … met it’s ten years and with all I been through as a child and what I been through with this man I was diagnose with clinical depression if it wasn’t for the sake of my son I would kill myself along time ago it’s a lot of mornings I think to commit suicide I even said it to the man and him say me shoulda do it but because of my son and I know what he would endure if the same ppl raise him I push and try my best to survive to live to see another day…. some people would say the FEEEL like them a mad me literally a mad…

people tell me say him tie me idek I feel like I have stock holm syndrome and it all started from a childhood as a child I endured abuse that I couldn’t do anything about because I was a child and had to live with my abused as a teen I fell to abusive situations and stayed and an adult I’m still going through the same thing I’m asking you guys for three things prayer to to accept the things I can’t change and move on a prayer line number if anyone has one to offer and for parents to be more attentive to your child if you have to runaway from your child for what ever reason dont let too much time pass before you have them in your care Bc no one is going to take care of your child/ children like you not even your mother or father not every child is out spoken

I told myself I was going to give this man up for lent and from Sunday I don’t talk to him so I called him today to try reason with him about a current situation the man style me and class me up and send me message from him gyal met me need some real serious prayer warriors to pray for me Bc I really feel to give up especially when I look around me and to see I choose love over everything and everyone I my life I’m stressed out to the point I can’t why take care of my son they way supposed to a fell all the way off is like my son a grow him self and deep down I feel so bad because My son is the only one who knows exactly what a I went through with this man Bc him class me up infront a him and talk anything that come to his mouth till my little son turn to me infront him and day mommy leave him alone he don’t live only I do and I just break out in tears I really don’t know what is wrong with me.. I’m in counseling and my therapist told me that with all I’ve been through. My behavior in normal with all I endured