LET LOVE BE DESTROYED BEFORE IT DESTROYS YOU- SUNDAY DAGGA

Let love be destroyed before it destroys you

LOVE makes lovers do crazy things that sometimes destroy rather than build. In recent times, many reports of domestic violence have filled the airwaves.

These include reports of husbands killing their wives after years of physical abuse or wives killing husbands in a fit of jealousy.

The marital vows of “till death do us part” might be a culprit in all these destructive tendencies. Since love is a choice I have made, I should define how I would go about loving and living my life.

I should be responsible for crafting my vows so my partner knows what’s in store for him/ her so that there would be no surprises.

For example, my vow could say:

“till extramarital affair put assunder.”

Or “till prying into your privacy(phone) put assunder” etc

As much as lovers will have us believe that falling in love is unconscious, I believe falling in love is a choice we make. It’s actually a sum total of many other choices we have previously made in our lives and that eventually shaped us to be predisposed to loving a particular kind of person.

Nowadays, loving should be done with the eyes wide open. Choose to love but also choose how that love will impact your life. Otherwise, love can destroy. Choose to destroy love before it destroys you.

Between birth and death is a continuum called life. Life is only for the living. We may have no choice about our birth or death. However, we have to make choices about the life we would live once we are born.

When choosing a life partner, know that the choices we make either keep us alive or help us to reach the death destination faster. The choices we make impact our mental, physical and spiritual well-being.

Just as we make work and career choices, so you must make relationship choices. Sometimes they are serious and other times, mundane choices. But all these choices to a large extent, determine how well we will actually live the life we then choose.

Our choices could either make or mar us. Choices can set us up for greatness or see us crash to the depths of despair and hopelessness.

Remember that female lawyer in Ibadan who was recently jailed for killing her husband in a fit of anger. The man is dead; she is destroyed too. If they had children, whose offsprings would society call them? Children whose mum murdered their dad! They are stigmatised, even in their innocence.

So, of all the choices we will make in life, there are two very important ones: spiritual choices and relationship choices.

The right spiritual choice doesn’t insulate you from life, it however makes life easier for you to bear as it offers you the strength needed to hold on till your desired miracle comes. When I talk about spiritual choices, I refer to the choice of either seeing darkness or evil everywhere as opposed to seeing light and love all around you.

The next important choice in life is the relationship choices. As humans, we thrive only in relationship with others. A life of isolation doesn’t help us to develop to our full potentials.

As children, we choose who our friends would be. These early choices were based on our location/environment. Your friends are usually from among your close relatives and friends of your parents and neighbours. As children our choices were less discriminatory.

But as we grow older, our circle of choice grows wider, especially in this age of the Internet. If in your years of growth, you matured, then you would be able to make more informed choices about your relationships.

Your spiritual choice and maturity will to a large extent affect your relationship choices. Many claim love to be their reason for making the choice for a life partner. However, a few years or even days down the road, one would often wonder what love is.

This is because most bitter divorce cases or even fatal spousal abuse cases always have a history of once upon a time Romeo and Juliet. So please, it is better not to love at all than to be killed by the love of your life.