Dear Taiwo,
As I write this letter to you, my heart is in great pains, I am bleeding from the psychological wound my wife inflicted on me. I am 34, married to a 30-year-old woman. We met and courted throughout our days in the university.
We loved each other and we kept our words of getting married when we eventually decided to settle down which we did three years ago. I never envisaged any serious problem in my marital life because I believed I knew my wife enough to want to spend the rest of my life with her.
I would not say that our courtship was totally free of quarrels or problems, we had our own share of quarrels and fights, but they weren’t out of the ordinary issues, or things we could not settle. We had quarrels based on suspicion and probably issue of money.
When we came back to Lagos from our youth service, she was lucky to get a good job before I did. She is the very generous type, she did not mind expenses on me and I can boldly say that she paid the house rent of the first apartment that we got and equally furnished it.
The only problem I had with her then was the fact that she was always quarreling with my siblings. We decided not to settle down yet while I was job hunting, so during this time, she would come over to my house to spend the weekend. Whenever she came she always had one reason or the other to quarrel with my siblings.
I am my parent’s first child, and I cannot avoid my parents and siblings, I cannot send them away because of her. Several times I had to plead with her to accept my family the way they are. I am not from a rich background like her, my parents are not rich, but we are very comfortable in our own way. I never lacked anything while growing up. Most importantly, we were brought up with love and the fear of God.
Although a product of a broken home, her mother did a good job raising her kids. My parents really liked her, my mother, especially took a liking to her since the very first day I took her home to meet them. This feeling among our family members is mutual, because her mother really liked me too.
To cut my long story short and go straight to the reason why I am hurting, everything seemed okay, until after our marriage. My wife became somebody else, I thought I knew her but I made a mistake. I have suffered too much in these few years. She became so troublesome that I became afraid of her.
She would make trouble because of the simplest thing. She banned my only female sibling from coming to our house. I would have made trouble with her over this, but my sister and parents asked that I hold my peace, because they wanted peace to reign in my home. Despite the fact that she does not want to see my own sister, I did not stop her own people from coming to the house.
I really did not know why she turned into a troublesome woman. She doesn’t spare me any detail, especially over the issue of other women. She became over suspicious. She would not spare any woman she feels I am dating. To her, I am dating every woman I speak with. She would go through my phone, pick numbers at random and call the owners of the numbers. If a woman picks the phone, she would rain abusive words on her and even curse her. I had to leave a job over of this particular issue. She was rude to my boss because she felt she was my girlfriend. Although I pleaded with my boss and she accepted my apology but I was too embarrassed to stay on.
Even at my present place of work, she has made trouble with several ladies. I made a mistake of taking her with me to our Christmas party; she ended up accusing me of sleeping with every female staff in my office.
I am sick and tired of her quarrels, I want a divorce, I cannot continue like this. Just last week I came home from a trip to Abuja, she picked my phone which I had warned her against several times. She dialed a number and a lady picked the phone She insisted I told her who the lady was, I tried to explain to her but she wouldn’t listen. She had concluded the lady was my girlfriend. Before I could say jack, she started hitting me and screaming at me. It was at this stage that her elder sister who resides with us came in and started beating me.
Of course, I couldn’t hit her back;it was her nephew who resides with us who went to call our neighbours who came in to intervene. I am sick and tired of people coming to settle quarrels for us all the time. I grew up in a home where peace reigned I always dreamt of a marriage like that of my parents, but it is like I am far from it.
The most painful thing is that her mother does not see anything wrong with her daughter’s attitude, whenever I reported her; she always rounded off by telling me to do be careful and not get my wife angry.
I don’t want my child to grow up with this type of attitude. I am sick of her and the marriage; I want out, but my problem is my son. I have visited a lawyer, but I wasn’t happy because of the fact that even if I am able to secure a divorce, I can’t have my son now, because of his age, he is only two. Please, help.
Sina.
Y