An Open Letter to Wife for Life
Hey Hun, @denieshablackford how are you? Long-time no see.
I heard you’re doing well – finished your studies at the little makeshift College (never heard of it myself – is it affiliated to Oxford?) and after sporting out the term time bursary money surprised even your own damn self and went and got yourself a good old position cleaning excrement (never was a career path of mine but not wanting to knock your hustle I am so happy for you – you go girl!).
Anyway, with the formalities over you may wonder what have you done to be benefit from such enthusiastic contact from me. Well, Wife for Life – I advise you to put the kettle on, take out your best china (if you have none), make yourself a nice cup of tea and get comfortable on your little deluxe sofa (preferably not from Brighthouse) because I surely am about to enlighten you – because you and I – yes you read that correctly – you and I have an exciting mission in front of us that requires skill, dedication and last but not least TEAMWORK!
You may recall WIFE FOR LIFE that we share a common denominator (OUR HUSBAND) – remember him? Lord I hope you do because if not I don’t know what he is going to do. You should also recall that after I married him (with his fine self – lucky me) and brought him back to our finer shores (overturning a 10 year ban in less than 18 months – damn I’m good) you came along and allegedly married US -yes you did girl – even gave us cute matching titles: WIFE ON PAPER & WIFE FOR LIFE (your so freaking cute) and everything was shared: s*x, time, money (50% each with your bad self)- not letting go you said, in it to win you said; Well I thank the good lord that you had such sentiment because I truly believe you should still get your equal share that you so persistently demanded, and today is your lucky day my sister wife because all that you asked for I am about to give you.
You see there is another Wife on our tail that will require us to act fast and expeditiously, I don’t know if OUR HUSBAND told you about her, anyway her name is ELIZABETH (she even has the cheek to refer to herself as QUEEN – imagine!), and she runs that wicked company called IMMIGRATION (they specialising in stealing husbands and carrying them off to far shores) and if I tell you that Elizabeth has given her company the order to run off into the hills with OUR HUSBAND. And being a firm believer of equal rights and justice and in memory of your 50% share and your Wife for LIFESHIP: WE MUST ACT NOW- 50/50 or lose him forever (and whilst my WIFE ON PAPERSHIP can be torn up and thrown in the bin, you as WIFE FOR LIFE will suffer extreme detriment being that you were not letting go and all).
I remember you once said that I never gave you the chance to help him last time round, but that is all about to change – your wish is my command.
It has come to my attention that there is a meeting coming up ( and Elizabeth and her team have kindly sent me an invitation to put forward representations for MY HUSBAND – OOPS, MY BAD, OUR HUSBAND, but I’m so kind to you girl, I called them up and had them add your name to the list. That’s my problem – I am just so considerate of others (NOT), but there is no way I’m just about to let you throw in the towel now and slip away into the sunset, OH NO, we are going to keep splitting this 50/50 of OUR HUSBAND all the way to LUNAR HOUSE, IMMIGRATION OFFICE.
So, at the appointed time you are going get up bright eyed and bushy tailed, apply your best clown make up artistry skills to your cute little Caro Light skin, pull on your Fashionova jeans over that little snatched waist that only the best surgeon in Turkey gave you and hot step it down to LUNAR HOUSE like someone just pinched you and told you OUR HUSBAND is at the end of your street. You’re going to walk with the same sassiness and pepper in each step just like when you heard he was coming to throw down on your cute ass, legs akimbo and bust it wide open. Oh yes sweetie, you’re going to do all of that – and why not- after all WIFE FOR LIFE you said. I truly believe that with the both of us OUR HUSBAND cannot fail.
And in your bag WIFE FOR LIFE will be 50% of all documentation required to present to Elizabeth & her team (remember all is equal in love and war, I MEAN YOU DIDN’T THINK IT JUST APPLIED TO S*X, TIME & MONEY? I HOPE NOT or FOOL YOU – 50% to the finish line cupcake, remember you are not doing this for me BUT FOR HIM -OUR HUSBAND):
YOU WILL NEED:
• Marriage certificate (please don’t forget the photos)
• Pay slips showing salary of £24k plus
• 2 x utility bills in his name (I will do water/council tax – you only need to do gas/electric, remember all those times he was in your property topping up)
• School letters declaring him as best baby daddy of the year (remember his activeness at parent’s evening)
• £4k contribution to legal fees (if we are lucky we may be able to get OUR HUSBAND’S case to Judicial review)
A weak tpc, just fell out the people dem chair. I like this wife a swear. nuh inna nuh bagga long tracing send his ass back home, some a dem man yah cant tame and don’t know how to act so paper wife send the gyal and the dutty man a strong lesson
Wife
I love you wife. What a well written story.What a story nice.
LOL… just like that Wifey
No mi like dah wife yah :ngakak :ngakak
Neat :kimpoi:
Quena-
ME REACH A DUTTTY TPC..
HELP ME UP DEH
hI MET, READ EVERY DAY BUT NO COMMENT
MS. FAB
You need a plan B sister
It so long and boring no wonder the man a cheat
People still a use 3G?
Wifey baddddd tpc
This is the ultimate! I love a well written document such as this. The legal wife is deadly as she is intelligent and has provided logic and fact to the equation. I wonder if sister wife is intelligent enough to understand the content? Bravo wife! Well executed!
Yo dis a the baddest wife vs mate letter me Eva read. Big up paper wife because wife fi life dem nuh understand how di ting work.
This lady is destin for greatness if she put her writing to good use. I think she can be professional writer.
Give her a freaking award :ngakak :ngakak :ngakak :ngakak a Suh yuh deal wid tings.
I love it, this wife sense of humor her way with words. Wife for life step up unnuh hubby need help. Team work make the dream work. :thanks2
Same so.
Hey Sweet
I love her. Well done wifey. Message well decent.. let them dip his two timing ass and let wife for life save him now.
mi want to married this wife I swear.. just like that
Yes ,mi love da wife yah ,wife fi life matey wants,wife fi life she gets!!!
Wife fi life girl.. you need to get all you papers to show the queen your part of the evidence .
Bless up all,
THIS is most definitely one of my proudest moments pon Pinkwall!!Long time unno know mi did a preach that Jamaican mateyangroupie.com is actually a site for maties/sidechicks..it actually says that very same thing in the name!!!
Now finally mi see di Wives a get lil justice n knowings especially with this most brilliant Wifey!!Grammar police is beaming with pride rt now. ..but Again. …mek sure unno represent fi di wives n not pon any flash in the pan basis!!Unno think unno easy pon ya!!??
Shots fired.
Morning PP, long time we no reason. Bless up youself
Morning Metty, what does FIWBTBC mean? Wifey (((BIGGGG))) Up
Hi Guys..
Thankyou for all your kind words pertaining to my delightful letter. Part 2 of my letter has also been posted on the site (thank you Pinkwall).However,it is with great regret that I must inform you that the WIFE FOR LIFE did not turn up today at OUR HUSBAND’S meeting or provide any of the requested documentation. On this note, I may well have to put pen to paper once more in a final address (hold onto your hats!)
Kind regards
Wife on Paper
hurry lol
Hi DWRL
Thank you for comment above. I agree the story is long but maybe you find it boring because you lack understanding on some of the rhetoric and verbal equilibrium used to narrate the sentiment of the story. I am more than willing to provide a shortened summary that may sit easier on your palette, if your reading of any great lenght is impaired.
I say this because you mention cheating…although yes OUR HUSBAND was cheating the actual issue is about THE PROVISION OR NOT OF DOCUMENTATION.
I hope the situation has now been clarified.
Finally, I am more occupied with financial banking and wealth management as opposed to whether someones phone is 3g or 4g (but seeing you asked) it is 4g.
Kind regards
Wife on Paper
(NEXT)
Wife on Paper…if i love you one more time. You are classic. Baby please don’t be long. I will bring the crackers while u bring the tea. And believe me when i say that i will sip every drop of this tea. Lol no sah…
Love it! When you use a term too loosely and someone suddenly narrows it down for you..
Wife on paper please write a book