DAGGERING HER UNCLE

I am having sex with my uncle
May 08, 2019

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Dear Pastor,

I am 41 years old, and I have one son who is 12 years old. My son’s father is living in Canada. He sends money for him occasionally. He is a divorcee. He told me that if he is going to get married again, he would marry me. I don’t believe him because he doesn’t give me the impression that he wants to settle down. Sometimes when we talk, and I ask him about marriage, he ignores me.

I am living at my uncle’s home. My uncle is 61 years old. I had a boyfriend who used to visit me sometimes, but he was very jealous. He saw me picking out grey hair from my uncle’s head, and he told me that he didn’t like that. He said my uncle and I are too close. My uncle always says that my boyfriend doesn’t seem to be ambitious and he does not dress properly. If you were to see my uncle, you wouldn’t believe that he is in his 60s. He is not overweight, and he walks every day, except Sundays.

Pastor, I have something to confess to you. I am in love with my uncle. He is the half-brother of my father. When I came to this house, it was only to spend holiday. But while I was here, I wasn’t feeling well, and I called my boss and told him that I wasn’t well. He told me I should send in a certificate from the doctor, but I didn’t go back to the doctor for it and time caught up on me. My uncle said that I should not bother myself. At that time, I didn’t think that he wanted to have an affair with me. That was the furthest thing from my mind.

My mother came, and my uncle told her that he will help me with my son until I am back on my feet. Nothing was said about seeking a job. I just did everything to please my uncle. One day he told me that he would give me $15,000 a week if I would just stay with him and take care of everything. The neighbours knew me to be his niece. He lived abroad for many years, and he gets his pension.

VERY HAPPY
One day I called my boyfriend, and I told him not to come back to see me. My uncle was very happy about that. It is because of my uncle why I don’t pressure my son’s father for anything. I used to hide and sleep with my uncle, but I don’t anymore because my son has seen us many times in bed. And sometimes all three of us sleep together. My son has never seen us having sex. I make sure that he is in his bed sleeping if we are going to have sex.

I know it is wrong to have sex with my uncle. I talked to him about it, and he said I should remember that he is only the half-brother of my father. He said that everything he has will go to me because he has helped to set up his children, and they are not looking to him for anything. I would like to get married. I don’t believe that I can continue living this way, but I cannot give up this life and take up a man who has nothing. What my child’s father sends I use to pay my son’s school fees, but he hardly sends anything extra for me.

Nobody knows that I am having sex with my uncle. This is the first time I am talking it. So keep my identity private and give me your advice.

Initials withheld

Dear …,

I am absolutely sure that you know that I can’t encourage you to continue to have an intimate relationship with your uncle. It is because you know that what you are doing is wrong why you are not comfortable with it. Therefore, you have decided to write to me about it.

Your son is 12 years old. You might think that your son is not aware of what is going on, but children are very smart and they know much more than what adults may think. They are observant. Don’t you believe that your son would wonder why you don’t sleep in your own bed instead of sleeping in your uncle’s room on his bed? Yes, he is not stupid.

You say that you and your uncle are in love. He meets all your bills, and he takes care of the household. He gives you $15,000 per week, so you may find it very difficult to walk away from him. But, I must ask you, how long do you intend to be living this way? Is it going to be like this for the next years when your son is 17 years old? What are you going to tell him in the next couple years when he would be brave enough to question you?

I will tell you now what your son is going to do if you don’t break up with your uncle and move out. He is going to curse you and tell you that you are a worthless mother who is having sex with your uncle. And he is also going to say that he has no respect for you.

So, while I recognise that this man has been good to you, I want you to tell him that this love affair cannot continue. Tell him that you want to seek a job and move out of his house because you must show respect to your son, and you have to deal with your conscience and you would love to get married. But, I go further. I would love for you to forgive yourself for the mistake you have made by getting sexually involved with your uncle.