I need some outside opinion on this.
when i was in jamaica i was with a girl. we were not exclusive just f**king. she said she was not seeing anyone else.
we even went as far as to talk about friends with benefits.
we were like that for about a year and a half, just f***g and respecting each other.
then i got a call from her one day that she was 3 month pregnant and i am the father. i was not ready for no baby or any news of that sort so i wasnt excited. i asked how long she knew and she said a while back but she didnt plan to keep it so thats why she just telling me.
i asked so what change your mind. she said her sister told her that a baby is a blessing so she decided to keep it.
ok man up take responsible, after all i know we were f***g, and at the time according to her she was not seing nobody else.
the fact that she waited 3 months to tell me and was considering abortion behind my back raised a few questions, but i trued to understand as she was about 21 and had just finished her associate degree and was looking forward to kinda start life.
remember now me and this girl not exclusive, but i was like f**k it. so i decided to put her on my insurance plan and started to some what get myself ready to be a daddy. i was asking people for advice and thing as it was my first time.
there was this guy at work i was talking to. he was a taxi man. i told him about the abortion that nearly happened and that she only told me that she was pregnant after 3 months. he asked me how i know the baby was mine and that thats not how men normally do in a situation like that.
he said i should wait until the baby born then i step in if the baby look like me.
that conversation kinda shake me up a bit so i decided to question baby mother, kinda sternly and blunt. this was nearly 3 or 4 weeks after finding out.
gues what baby mother said. ok dont worry it is not your baby, forget about it.
i was glad but i was shocked.
remember i was allegedly the only one she was f****g.
i backed out but we kept in touch. when the baby was born, i went and visit her and and see the baby, bearing in mind that there is a 50% chance that the baby is mine.
there was,a baby daddy in place and it was what it is.
i migrated to the US about a month or so after the baby was born, and just like most people who run off in the US. i hit rock bottom.
I was on my face and going through the struggle as an illegal immigrant. Me and baby mother kept in touch and i always ask me to send me pics of the baby and we always talk about the posibility of the baby being mine.
i had always acknowledged the possibility and promised to do a DNA when ever i come back to jamaica.
we kept in touch throughout in regards to baby. that was our little secret. then 2016 i got status in US and i found out i dont have to go to Jamaica to have DNA done so both of collaborated and have mine and the baby’s sample taken.
long story short. baby is mine, but here is the conflict. another man have the child as his and him and baby mother live together as a happy family.
my intention is to have baby name change and i take child to spend time with me in US.
baby mother was shocked and dont know what to do. said i should just forget it and let things stay how they are. also that i should keep it a secret.
i told her that wasnt possible as it is a fact the child is mine, but i can allow her some time to do what ever she have to do to make a smooth transition without much conflict with her man.
for now i am just on standby waiting to make the best decision for everbody.
it not a blame game we were both adults and performed recklesd behaviour so i shere the blame and just want to make the best possible decission.
what do i do?
That child may just end up being the only one that God has blessed you with. I would encourage you to move forward and try to do the right thing by your child. I would also encourage you to make sure that everything you do is done by the books and done the right way. This child deserves to know the truth and to have his or her’s real father be in his or her’s life. The downside to this is that when man a Jamaica find out say dem get “jacket”…..all hell bruk lose. Sometimes ppl end up getting seriously hurt. Mi nuh know star….dis is a sticky one. Encourage har fi ketch a next belly (this time for her man she live with). At least him will have a next child to focus on suh di jacket situation won’t hit so hard. Smh. If it was the case where you didn’t want to be in this child’s life, then I would say let sleeping dogs lie. But you’re really trying to do the right thing and step up to the plate and take on your responsibilities as a father and I really admire that. There are men out there who know that other men are taking care of their children and it doesn’t matter to them. They sit back and let it happen because they don’t want to take on the responsibility. So I commend you. Mi nuh know Rasta….is a tough one. Pray. That’s all mi can say. Good Luck Daddy
Sender, I think you are being selfish here. The father has taken this child as his own and have provided a home and the support/nurturing all these years for the child. They are living as a happy family, why ruin this family now? You have been nonexistent for all these years and now you want to come in and play daddy? A true father is more than just a sperm donor. Leave the people alone, since these things can have serious repercussions if this man finds out he is not the sperm donor. BTW: Let me guess; the child is a male? How old is the child?
The man is trying to do right by the child that is rightfully his and he is taking responsibility for a baby that he helped created you’re going to say it’s selfish, it would be selfish to have another man taking care of his responsibilities. It also don’t matter the gender or the age of the child and if it was a different case that a man didn’t want to take care of a kid that is his and he wanted another man to mind the child wouldn’t he also be labeled as ‘selfish’?
Do the right thing? Neither the child or the mother is looking forward for this man to do the right thing. According to the sender, the mother just wants him to go away.
Maybe we are reading two different set of events, but there is a father in place and he has been taking care of the child without doubting paternity for X number of years.
The child mother said he was the father and the man step up to the plate and did the right thing, now this Johnny-Come-Lately wants to disrupt a family unit just because he is now armed with a DNA result? How many thousands of men in Jamaica taking care of children they know is not theirs and the true father is nowhere to be found or refuse to be the father of these children? I wonder if the “new” father is prepared to reimburse the “old” father for all cost incurred in raising that child to this point?
You clearly didn’t read the full story. He didn’t have DNA evidence the child was his and as soon as he did he wanted to do right by his child. Bout play daddy, reading is fundamental!!!!
Wtf u talking about child dont need to know right father!?? Family history health problems mental ancestry psychology bloodline is all the reason for a child to know where they come from there history
The mere fact when u go a doctor first thing they ask u is family history is all reasons for this child to know is real father
Yup, no matter what it is the child has to know her real father in the end. The earlier the better and God will address the selfishness and the rest in His time.
SELFISH FU$%%^^^
U keep gojng back to how the child come about ..man shut the hell up and claim u child a give him or her a good life. A u meck shi give it to a next man fr d get go. Because u wasnt ready to be a father plus how u kn d next man dont kn the child his not his ….nuff a uno man u si kmt u done kn fr d get go sah a ur child. Soh mi wah kn was ur issue
Let me just say, you are both 2 selfish people who have created a totally messy situation for your child & the man who stepped up & did right by the child. Selfish by she with her carelessness bout the baby isn’t yours & you bout yuh listening to taxi man & standing down from your responsibility kmt.
That said, I believe a child should know his/her biological parents, if for no other reason than to avoid future incestuous relationships. I also believe the men who are being deceived should know the truth & the fact that baby mother wants to keep this secret most likely means the child’s daddy doesn’t know the truth.
It may be the only opportunity both of you will ever get at parenthood & she’s currently enjoying the privilege so I would advise you either to get a lawyer who can summons her to the family court, or you can visit the family court to have a summons taken out for her to appear in the family court to resolve this matter.
This yah one Sticky bad but every child deserves to kno his or her biological parent good luck.
I have no idea how in on earth he is being called selfish. Had the girl not lied about sleeping with another man or giving the child to another man, this kid (because it seems the parents are young and inexperienced) would have 100% surety in the DNA of said Baby. He never lost contact with her, went through a few obstacles, sorted his self out in the States and now that the DNA came back that this Baby is his… HE IS STEPPING UP TO THE PLATE!!! I think he is actually considerate to not cause any drama with said baby-mother knowing their little “secret” and he’s giving her time to break the news to her current man. Yes the current man was taking care of said child (AND WE DON’T EVEN KNOW THAT) because he is under the impression that the baby is his! How selfish drop inna this?!?! This man wants to be present in his Baby life, he has taken all the responsible steps necessary to ensure such.
Sender – As one Metter suggested, do everything by the books, not sure how old your baby is, hopefully they are not of age to have a full understanding of the drama that id about to unleash once Pandora box has been opened. Take care of your child and see to it that you are an amasing father! Wish you all the best of luck!
bigman yuh did have di opportunity fi duh dna before yuh migrate guh farrin and you didn’t.you also stated that you were in the US for a while before getting straight so I assume this child is at least 5 years old.you also said the mother,child and man who believes the child to be his are a happy family,my advice…leave well enough alone.you never know what this man reaction will be when told this isn’t his kid.guh find a nex ooman fi breed an lowe di people dem
There was a young lady in trinidad last year who had two children for her father and did not know until she went to her mother’s funeral. Children fi know dem parents
Who cares about what the Jacket receiver will do… Anyone that speaks like this DID NOT have both parents present in their life. The psychological damage that does is irreparable!
That child deserves to know her REAL father by any means necessary. Okay he fu*ked up… So he shouldn’t be allowed in the child’s life? All if the baby is 5 or 25… Baby has a right to know!
As many Dead Beat post Met put up and all the Metters encouraging the dead beat to mind his damn child… Here is a man WILLING to do all the above and he’s being called selfish?!?
Me nuh get in pon dah post yah. I could not imagine my father not being in my life as a woman… It makes a HUGE difference! SMFH some of these post are illogical
I’m actually shocked at how easy it is for soem to say this child doesn’t need to know her/his dad!
Just WOW!!!
And I want to say this, just in case there are other persons out there practicing this foolishness about ‘friends with benefits’. It is a SELFISH practice – yes! my word of the day – initiated by a selfish person to avoid being in a committed relationship & endorsed & accepted by another because they believe they don’t deserve better or think they are deluded enough to think they are going to change the other person’s mind over time.
Well, while the people in this practice may not emotionally attach, other things will eventually attach (an egg & a sperm that is) that will create all sorts of doubts and problems in the end – sadly, mostly for the child & which is why I’m even commenting here, because situations like this always rile me up.
Men, seek out women you want to settle down and have children with. Unuh not afraid to be sewing wild oats in this day & age?
Women, know your worth. Stop allowing men to use your bodies & just discard you when they are through, leaving you with an innocent child in the process whose life they might or might not want to be a part of based on their whim & fancy.
:thanks2
A dat ppl do nuff time protect things cause they feel it’s gonna cause this and that… Go tek Yuh pickney yah my youth mek di man weh she deh wid now breed har again if him want pickney… Later di child will tell him thanks as starting role for taking care of him/her now go fi u pickney if yuh can give a Betta life dweet an nuh ooman nuffi keep weh nuh pickney from nuh man if dem want it….
But Latty, senda sound like him can mine pickney:ngakak Sound like him need fi sort out himself before him disturb di onoman household. When him did lef yaard fi find life ah farrin, is how much supportance him did lef gi di ooman. All ah mi him woulda haffu lay low.
Most people who are commenting that the sender is selfish, most likely grew up Ina home with every sibling had a different dad, while some didn’t knew their dad. in my opinion sender is not being selfish, the mother is. It’s a child not a pet. This is what nasty behavior causes, when women’s choose to sleep around as if they are men, the end result is bringing forth a child and not knowing who the father is.
I’m an only child for both my parents (rip father). :nerd
Senda, dis very sticky. Mi nuh lost mi moral compass and mi agree seh pickney fi knoe mumma and puppa…BUT mi feel seh yuh need fi lay low pon dah one yah. Mek di ting gwaan run how it ah run cause di man weh get jacket nah guh tek dis lightly. All murder can commit. Tuh how you write mi nuh tink yuh capable of raising di child if di man kill di ooman when him find out. Give it more time and gwaan uplift yuhself ah farrin. Mi nuh sure if yuh did ah support di child, beg yuh pardon if mi miss dat but yuh writing nuh suh easy pon di brain…..but if is ah next man she ah call Daddy, then dat is har DADDY. Tuh how yuh write di story mi feel yuh will also tell di child seh you and har mother were just fuc$$ buddies…yuh nuh suh refine.
Well put @Yardy4Life! You cover all bases nicely……….agree with you 110%.
You know fr reading this, when that lady was ok with just being friends with benefits she had her good good man. Thats why she could have given the other man the child without a problem.