SHE MARRIED A PSYCHOPATH AND DIDNT KNOW IT

He was every woman’s dream of the ideal man come true. Fade was fresh out of college and looking for a job when a friend introduced her to Godwin. “He was much older than my 22-year old but I didn’t see him as a potential lover – just a boss”, confessed Fade. “My friend had filled me in that most of his empire was in Nigeria but he had a very impressive office in London. His personal assistant just left to get married and he needed an urgent replacement. I didn’t have any working experience but he told me I would do. I had the job!

lovers
lovers
“Within months, we’d attended various meetings and social events together. I didn’t know what I was expected to do officially, but he said I should just look pretty and serve coffee and be his `man Friday’ until I got the hang of the office routine.

Before I could do that however, things took on a new dimension. Godwin constantly turned on the charm whenever we were together that it was easy to fall in love with him. He swept me off my feet – flowers, extravagant meals, jewellery – h made me feel like a princess. It was like a dream come true, like I was living a fairytale.

“When he asked me to move into his house nine months later, I didn’t hesitate. He had a house-keeper – all I had to do was give instructions and be at his beck and call all the time, dressed to the nines. He was generous with money too and gave me a gold card.

I was in cloud nine and when I got pregnant and feared he would ask me to get rid of it, I was surprised when he suggested we get married. He had a wife and children who lived in one of his property in Nigeria but he told me they were never legally married. All they did was a traditional marriage.

“When I met Godwin, marriage was the furtherest thing on my mind. Now it’s staring me in the face. I know getting hitched so soon was moving too fast but I was in love with the man and he really was charming, funny, handsome and romantic.

What would I gain by waiting? I may have only been 24, but I was ready for this good fortune. Within three years, I’d given birth to a set of twins and an adorable son. My husband’s career had really taken off by now and we had moved house twice – upgrading every time. Though his business schedule meant he had to work long hours, but it was worth it. He was a good dad – just not around that often. Every night, I’d go on my knees and pray to God before bed to thank Him for my blessings.

“Sadly, I would soon discover that Godwin was far from perfect. In fact my husband was one of the most ruthless men on earth – an evil monster, a sick and twisted man who caused unimaginable pain and suffering. He was a con artiste per excellence! People had asked me: ‘How could you not know?’ But the thing with psychopaths is you can’t tell. It’s part of the condition. They mimic normal people and it takes an expert to spot one. According to experts, a psychopath is wired towards making people do their bidding and they can be so charming. Some can go through their entire life undetected. Some even end up running corporations. The business world is rife with them as their utter lack of human compassion makes them good businessmen.

“Almost ten years after we tied the knot, my life fell apart when the police knocked at my door in the early hours of a cold morning waving a search warrant in my face. I told them Godwin had travelled to Nigeria the previous day, but they didn’t believe me.

They turned the house upside down, seized all the computers in the house. And nothing they said made sense. The police were telling me about my husband but it seemed like they were talking about a completely different person. This person didn’t run a legitimate business. He was a scam artiste, a `yahoo-yahoo’ expert with a string of workers working for him at home and abroad. Several of his victims had been financially ruined beyond recover and he’d also dabbled into drugs. The police had been on his trail for weeks after one of his men was arrested with almost four kilograms of cocaine. In exchange for a prosecution deal, he’d told them everything about Godwin.

“My jaw nearly hit the floor as I listened to these horrid stories about my husband and the police refused to believe I knew nothing about his crimes. But they had no evidence against me and they left me alone. I couldn’t get hold of Godwin in Nigeria – he’d changed all his phones and I didn’t have any address or contact though which I could reach him. He’s wanted for a string of crimes – racketeering, trafficking cocaine, human trafficking, prostitution charges and fraud. It’s obvious he’s not expected back in Britain any time soon. Meanwhile, my whole life has been ripped from me.

I had no idea what my husband way up to, yet I am being punished for his crimes. The house we lived in, which was in his name, has been confiscated, and I’m now living in a rented flat.

I can’t imagine what the families of his victims are going through and I’m truly sorry for what he did. Yet the children and I are victims too …”

Partners seldom see eye-to-eye when they argue

It’s been confirmed that there are some general differences in the way men and women behave in arguments. These differences don’t generally apply to all men and women, but it is worth recognising the tendencies. Women generally want to pursue arguments longer than men do, following their partner from room to room, trying to get a resolution when it would be wiser to let things calm down. They almost always cry more easily than men too, and are more likely to phone their mothers, sisters and friends as a way of escape or to gain sympathy.

Men tend to opt for the quiet life at first, avoiding arguments and hoping they will go away. Or they withdraw from them by finding something ‘urgent’ to do: getting engrossed in a paper or watching TV. They are also more likely to escape to the club or to drink too much if the going gets touch. And they often attribute what they see as ‘unreasonableness’ in their partners to premenstrual tension – though it may be the cause, men can overdo the accusation.

Generally, men argue about: Th amount of time they want to spend playing or watching sports, or pursuing their hobby, which tends to be more than their partners want. The boss expects long hours, while getting home on time is for ‘whimps’. Money: why is he married to a spendthrift? Surely, the shopping cannot cost quite so much?

The mismatch of sexual desire: Has she really got a headache? Why is she asleep when he comes to bed and ‘too busy’ in the morning?

Women on the other hand argue about: His untidiness. Why does he always leave his towel on the4 bathroom floor, or fails to put the seat on? Why can’t he spend more time on her and the children?

Why are the household chores rarely shared? Why does he see them as her responsibility? And why, when he does them, does he expect her to thank him? Why is he heavy-handed when disciplining the children? Why is he so tight about money? Doesn’t he realise that food and children’s clothes are expensive?