SHE SAY HER SISTER IN LAW TEK OVER HAR HOUSE

Dear Taiwo,
Please, help me. I need your counsel and that of your readers at this crucial moment in my life. I am helplessly watching the home I have built with my husband through hard-work, patience and perseverance ebbing away, because I decided and agreed with him to accommodate his siblings in our home after the demise of his mother.
I am equally an orphan; I lost my father when I was still in the secondary school and my mother died just as I finished from the university. I am the only girl of the family and the last born. My eldest sibling automatically became my father and his wife, my mother.
I lived with them without any trouble and when it was time for me to get married, they and my other siblings did not allow me to miss the fact that our parents were dead.
Of course, one cannot but think of them and remember them, but my siblings and their spouses have been there for me; even their children are like my younger ones, as I don’t see them as just my nieces and nephews. We are six in number, but like I mentioned earlier, I am the only girl.
I, however, thought it could work out or be the same when my mother-in-law died three years ago and my husband wanted to rent an apartment for his siblings so they could live there. Unlike in my own case, my husband is his family’s first born.
He also is of a different father from his siblings. His own father, who happened to be the legal man his mother married, died while he was only three years old. It took a lot of plea and years before she decided to go into another relationship, which produced a set of twins.
I never asked what happened or why she did not marry the father of the twins, but she still had two other children for another man; a girl and a boy. In all fairness to her, she treated me like her own child when she was alive and I had no problem with her in whatever form. The only person, who posed a little problem at the initial stage, was his only sister, but with time, she came round and we became good friends.
My husband and I are one of the fortunate few, because within a short period of time, the Lord blessed us with our own house, big enough to accommodate many. We had agreed even during our courtship years that we wanted two children. The Lord was magnanimous enough to bless us with a boy and a girl; so, there was no issue of having another.
I must give thanks to God, then acknowledge the support of my brothers, especially, our first born, who made sure that we were financially okay at all times. He occupies a big position in the government, he advised my husband to go into business and made sure that he got good enough contracts to make us well off. I also have my own job and a thriving business which allowed us to give our children the best of everything.
Everything was okay until my mother-in-law died three years ago, during a protracted illness. At a point, she had to move in and live with us, as most of her other children were away in school and the youngest son wouldn’t be able to cope with taking care of her alone. Even at this time, I had no problem with her. I did my best to take care of her. My husband was always away from home on business trips; anybody who is not a family member would not know she was my mother-in-law, because of how close we were, a lot of people used to think she was my mother; we were that close.
I had to change her last son’s school to my daughter’s school for contingency sake. Initially, my husband was against the idea, but I had to make him see reasons and he grudgingly agreed. Even whem mama was to die in the hospital, he died practically in my arms, praying for me; my husband was also there.
With all these, I saw no reason to push her children away from my home. I advised my husband to allow them live with us as a big family, as this will give an opportunity for closeness and he would be able to take good care of them.
The twins are not a problem, they are grown ups and a mature, both of them finished youth service, the year mama passed on; they lived with us for a short while before one of them secured a jobs out of town with the help of my elder brother. The other who got a job in town, also moved out of the house after a while. If I had known what is happening=g now would rare its ugly head, I would have insisted, he remained with us.
Both of them are good guys; they treated and still treat me no like a sister-in-law, but like their own sister, the only one I had issues with remains my husband’s only sister. She studied and finished school at the University of Benin and she was deployed to the Northern State for her National Youth Service. Left to her brother, she would have gone and finished her service year there, but I insisted she must get redeployment back home. Though, she wasn’t posted to one of the volatile states, but my argument was that we must not take anything with levity or for granted.
That was how I got her redeployed not only to the South, but to the town where we reside and equally got her a place of primary assignment. I did all these in good faith, I never knew I was courting trouble or getting myself a rival in my home. No sooner had she settled down that she began to compete with me in the house, even for my husband’s attention. The only thing my husband has not done now is to have sex with her.
It is so bad that he speaks with me through her, even over issues that are personal and private. When it all started, my husband would hand over the house keeping money to her, I complained that I wasn’t comfortable with this fact, but he said since she is a youth crops member who has little or nothing doing, she would help me.
Invariably, she started taking from the money and would not buy all that was needed in the house. Because my husband is away from home most of the time, I have to augment the money for whatever is shot in the house. One day, I heard her telling one of her visitors how I waste her brother’s money and how she is prepared to stop it.
She became a complete nuisance and not only compete with me, but turned my first daughter into a rival too. She would nag at her and at a time she began to beat her. On that I stood my grounds and after the second beating, I told her without mincing words that if she tries it again, I will beat her back.
I don’t know what she told her brother, but this led to our very first major quarrel and I asked that she moved out of the house but my husband refused. She also worked on her younger brother who has now become unruly and rude. Sometime ago, one of the twins visited and witnessed their sisters behavior, he was surprised at how their brother could condone such.
He said as much to my husband, but he had no explanation for his behavior and attitude towards my children and I because of his younger sister. I decided to write you, Monica Taiwo, because of what happened just last week. Either by luck or coincidence, my husband and I and our two children are all December children. Because of this, we all celebrate together with a church thanksgiving on every last Sunday of the year and throw a party for our family and friends afterwards.
I was shocked, when my husband said his sister would be in charge of the party this year. Before telling me, he had handed over money to her to buy all that we would need. This got me angered and I told him exactly the way I felt, I was shocked when my husband said he is yet to fathom why I cannot accommodate his sister’s also felt betrayed. I need your advice, because I have made up my mind to take my children out after the church thanksgiving, if the situation was not reversed. You wouldn’t believe that it was as bad as he asking her to buy the clothes we would wear.
She actually did, but I bought another set, if my husband insists on wearing what his sister bought, for the first time in years, my children and I will wear something different. Please, help me, how can I handle this situation which I brought on myself?
The twins are not a problem, they are grown ups and mature, both of them finished youth service, the year mama passed on; they lived with us for a short while before one of them secured a job out of town with the help of my elder brother. The other who got a job in town, also moved out of the house after a while. If I had known what is happening now would rare its ugly head, I would have insisted, he remained with us.
Both of them are good guys; they treated and still treat me not like a sister-in-law, but like their own sister, the only one I had issues with remains my husband’s only sister. She studied and finished school at the University of Benin and she was deployed to the Northern Nigeria for her National Youth Service. Left to her brother, she would have gone and finished her service year there, but I insisted she must get redeployment back home. Though, she wasn’t posted to one of the security threatened states, but my argument was that we must not take anything with levity or for granted.
That was how I got her redeployed not only to the South, but to the town where we reside and equally got her a place of primary assignment. I did all these in good faith, I never knew I was courting trouble or getting myself a rival in my home. No sooner had she settled down than she began to compete with me in the house, even for my husband’s attention. The only thing my husband has not done now is to have sex with her.
It is so bad that he speaks with me through her, even over issues that are personal and private. When it all started, my husband would hand over the house keeping money to her, I complained that I wasn’t comfortable with this act, but he said since she is a youth crops member who has little or nothing doing, she would help me.
Invariably, she started taking from the money and would not buy all that was needed in the house. For the singular reason that my husband is away from home most of the time, I have to augment the allowance. On a fateful day, I heard her telling one of her visitors how I waste her brother’s money and how is prepared she is to stop it.
She became a complete nuisance and not only compete with me, but turned my first daughter into a rival too. She would nag at her and at a time she began to beat her. On that I stood my grounds and after the second beating, I told her without mincing words that if she tried again, I would beat her back.
I don’t know what she told her brother, but this led to our first major quarrel and I asked that she moved out of the house but my husband refused. She also worked on her younger brother who has now become unruly and rude. Sometime ago, one of the twins visited and witnessed their sister’s behaviour, he was surprised at how their brother could condone such.
He said as much to my husband, but he had no explanation for his behaviour and attitude towards my children and I because of his younger sister. I decided to write you, Monica, because of what happened two weeks ago, either by luck or coincidence, my husband, our two children and I are all December children. Because of this, we all celebrate together with a church thanksgiving on every last Sunday of the year and throw a party for our family and friends afterwards.
I was shocked, when my husband said his sister would be in charge of the party just last year. Before telling me, he had handed over money to her to buy all that we would need. This got me angered and I told him exactly the way I felt, I was shocked when my husband said he was yet to fathom why I cannot accommodate his sister.
I need your advice, because I have made up my mind to take my children out after the church thanksgiving, if the situation was not reversed. You wouldn’t believe that it was as bad as he asking her to buy the clothes we would wear.
She actually did, but I bought another set, if my husband insists on wearing what his sister bought, for the first time in years, my children and I would wear something different. Please, help me. How can I handle this situation which I brought on myself?