Hey Met Long post but please post for me.
I believe many of these old school parents were not raised with love therefore they are ignorant as to how to display love to their children. My mother had 3 boys and 1 girl (me) I got the ruffest (jamaican word) of the ruffest treatment and I couldn’t understand why, she would beat me mercilessly call me a johncrow good for nothing at age 13, I wasn’t sexually active or bad in anyway because I came first every term and helped her sell in her wholesale , I can admit that I didn’t love being domesticated in the ways she likes because I was smart enough to know that’s too much work for a child to do.
She would give favour to my younger brother and beat me when he tell her I hit him. This woman raised an older boy who we also took as a brother, he left the home and returned when he was about 20 same age as my 2 older brother, would you believe that she started to have sex with this boy and because of this he would feel like he is the man and talk to us (me and my younger brother) any way he pleased, he tried to fondle me in my sleep and tried to rape my cousin who stayed with us, I told her she said I am lying.
It so happened that she let this man do as he likes and one Saturday he said the house must be silent no tv no radio (sabbatical order for them) so I ignored him and went in my room push up my door and watch my regular cartoons as I would on tvj every Saturday( tv was very low)
He didn’t hear the tv but saw the reflection and he came in my room stark mad and turn off my tv, so I turned it back on he gave me one rass box mi si blinki, I took a scissors and stabbed him. ( this was my first act of violence)
My mother didn’t defend me she took his side and said mi muss leave har place or go to my father’s family. I am still in stock she did that, she stepped in my throat and belly I crapped on myself.
I knelt down in my weak state and cried to the heavens and ask God to take actions because this was unjust. She was murdered the next night by gunmen for a total different reason as she was a businesswoman and was constantly targeted. This affected me negatively in so many ways, I loved her even though she never hugged or loved me, she never reasoned with me dressed me nicely it was like I was constantly punished for being alive, I was sensible enough to realize that she hated my father, stepfather and many other things wasn’t right so she took it out on me
In the midst of everything she did she was still my light in this world because she was my MOTHER
went on to further my education which was extremely hard graduated, traveled extensively, own businesses and is in a good place in life, There will always be a void in my heart because I didn’t get a chance to experience what a mother should be and also she isn’t alive to right the wrongs. I have 1 daughter and she is my everything She is 14 and this child as never expressed any sort of bad behaviour never talked back to me she is just a gem, at this age she understands life all the dangers all the blessings and what it takes to become a successful strong woman and she will be a great addition to this world because of my parenting. There are many untold stories which are real, not because we never went through it ourselves or know someone that did doesn’t mean they are lies or they didn’t happen.
Sorry u went thru that, everybody have a story and u are courageous for coming and writing about urs. Ur hurt but still have so much love enough to give nd make a difference in ur own baby girl life ..more power to u on that and keep shining. I’m sure if ur mom was alive u would love her even more. Wish u nd ur family all the best.
Unfortunately our system in Jamaica is not good enough an both parents nd kids suffer because of that. I’ve learned to forgive with much understanding after so many years and no lie I’m loving it an glad I’ve passed what use to seem like the impossible… But once ur over that bridge u won’t look back believe me. Still a little crazy from the scars yes but just like Neosporin nothing a little counselling won’t fix with every step the creator is with the I.
Im so sorry to hear that you were treated so badly as a child and sorry you lost your mother under such tragic circumstances. I am happy you survived to be the person you have become, I have come across so many similar stories of grown successful women, who, even though they may be married or have children, are still yearning for that love they never got from their mother as children. thank god for those of us consciously working to break the cycle. Our mothers and grandmothers went through hell too. It breaks my heart to imagine some of the stories they took to their graves.
Stockholm syndrome.