A gentleman posted this yesterday underneath the post that was titled ” 7 signs it is time to move on”. What are your opinions as to what happened with his wife?
My wife and I have been going through a lot of problems lately and this article seems to fit our predicament in so many ways. One of our main problem is that she is taking relationship advice from people who don’t have a relationship or haven’t been in a relationship as long or even a tenth as long as ours . We are together nearly 20 years now,a lot of it were rough days .Things are looking up now and I hate the fact that we are perhaps at our weakest when we are at our most prosperous. Met,she started a new job over a year ago and her boss is a quite successful Jamaican lady,her boss has somewhat been an influence on her.She (her boss) makes no qualms about sleeping with a man for what she wants and boast to them daily about her cheating and promiscuous ways. My wife and I were best friends,we were admired by everyone because of how we stuck together,being both from very tough sections of Jamaica and how wonderful and successful our lives were,even though we never had money.Our children went to the best schools and are quite successful in sports and academics.
I studied part time and have been quite successful with my studies. We had our quarrels and arguments like other couples did,however not on the topics we now do. We never had locks or passwords on our phones and her money was ours and mine the same.Now,she’s got secret accounts,sending money to people who I don’t recognise.She’s got friends that I never heard of.We don’t sit and have dinner anymore.I will prepare for movie night and she would be too tired ,yet,next evening she would stay out with her work friends for a drink (she’s actually there as one of my good friends work there),even though she doesn’t drink at all at home. I speak to her about what is going on,I warn her about the lure of temptation and the consequences,reminded her of our struggles and how wonderful things are looking,yet by the next day it’s back to square one.We now argue over the silliest things. Few weeks ago we had a day to ourselves,we went for a walk in the mid morning,went to a park for a jog after,came back and was watching a pastor talk about marriage and responsibilities.She fell asleep with her head on my chest and my hand running through her hair..I had some company issues to take care of so I rested her head on a cushion and went on the computer.Did what I had to do and went back to my position on the sofa with her head against my chest ,and fell asleep. Wonderful day so far. She was in the bath that evening and I walked in and as usual start washing her back,we had a conversation about some legal issues and she said I should refer to the internet for advice.Her phone was in bathroom,I took it up to use it,it was locked,I gave her to open it and she refused.I went out got mine and went on the website.I asked her why she had refused to let me use her phone and it turn into a big quarrel about privacy and the rights of an individual.
You know,the normal United Nations Article 18 stuff that normal couples argue about. Met,we are two quite beautiful people,she’s still angelic like the day I met her and my love is even more.I am tall and what a lot women would refer to as a pretty boy in my youth days.I am not the nerdy kind,can’t be like that where I am from,I am very good company and the life of any friendship. I have kept away from illegal activities and have tried my best to be far from friends who were in such game over the years. I noticed these days however that she admires men who are doing the street,speak highly of them. After reading your article,I realise that sometimes people change ,sometimes relationship dies,it’s very hard to accept when you are still in love with the person and when you have invested your whole life,but you just got to accept it.I pray that this does not affect our children. I hope someone will read this and it will save their relationship. –
You read like a man of quality.
Were you both together as teenagers? I suspect that is the case and if so…she may feel as if she missed out by being “locked in” with you for a greater part of her life.
If the children are leaving home she could be experiencing the “empty nest” syndrome.
The indepence of her employer may have caused her to realize that she has never really been independent/or has independence because of you and the children.
However, the one thing she is sure of with you is security and she may factor that in when weighing any negative moves within the current state of the relationship.
Go to a councillor (not one of religion) and work it out…you come off a bit over-protective and clingy though :maafaganwati
U need a life out side of she yuh too clingy as wah phantom seh, go out wit ur frens an do di same wah she a do, start speak highly of di hotgal dem a road to, put lock on ur fone start having frens weh she nuh familiar wit, basically wah mi a seh is fight fyah wid fyah loll
i patronize with you. I’ve been through way worst where i gave everything to someone. Met this person when they were totally down and off her feet. Took on all her probs and made them mine, sacrificed,gave up so much, took her out of a terrible financial spot. We were married and she’s a christian woman. We been together for 6yrs and married for 2. Sadly,in the space of about a month she claimed she been in dialogue with someone from england who she has never met. said they are in love. i found out the dude is a drug dealer, lives with his baby mother and just got his stay in england and was due to arrive in jamaica august(2015) for the first time in 17yrs. The dialogued started in June 2015. our marriage didn’t even make it to the 2 yr anniversary. She is 6 months pregnant now with the dudes child and still married. trust me the stuff i did for her if i should go in dept you’ll say why. point is i took on everything for her used up all my resources because she was my wife.nothing was too much for me not to do for her. she wants for nothing.she now has turned her back on all those that have been there for her since the dude was able to come up stronger financially. even though she has expressed her desires of wanting me back,but i have forgiven her for so much before and the situation is bigger than me. i am now in a situation where i am stuck with so many debts that i have to be paying off that i took out to help her which i’m struggling to offset and finding it hard. but u know what i just pray, face my struggles and just be a man. so i tell u this, i know you will be affected cuz i was significantly, look on the brighter side. it’s not your loss but hers. i read your story and i hope it touches someone out there and are able to help someone and so do mine. the story doesn’t start or end there but just a synapse. hope my story can help someone. i took my beating like a man and people who know me commend me in dealing with the situation the way i do cuz some men wouldn’t take it that way. God Bless
Oh no. This is somewhat sad but also quite natural. 20 years is a long time . Women have changed a lot even in say the last 10 years. Love and appreciation doesn’t replace passion. After all, we are not with the other sex simply for companionship a relationship does serve a physical purpose as well. A short break from each other would probably solve the problem. Not a break to sleep around but where someone moves to another country for a little while. I lock my X had his open but then anything locked away on my phone he already knew about but there are things that may have annoyed him like the millions of pics of nails, makeup and hair products. IDK about secret account that isn’t a secret because if push come to shove she will have to reveal it.
Couples need to have friends independent of each other and activities that is theirs only, after all you need stories to tell each other. Most likely she not even cheating or anything so perverse, she just discovered she is also an individual . Work on it using non traditional way so no whole heapa. Fasting and praying as that mostly comforts the person praying and no one else
hey. you trying to make it work. only will work if she doing the same. you going in different directions, hopefully it is only temporary and she will change direction.
People need them personal space, but it should not run to the detriment of ruining a relationship.
Also depends on your current age, cause sometimes people lose them age paper and try too hard to recapture the things they missed out on when they were younger.
My best friend got married when she was young have 2 kids a year apart. Her husband give her the world and then some but yet she wasn’t satisfied,when I ask her why she said she never get to live her life when she was yoyounger been with the same man how long . Now she cheats like nobody’s business because she seh she never get to be with other guys then.
My yute….listen mi. Firstly, why yu a pick up di woman phone, much less use it. You have trust issues, guh see bout dat. The woman tired a yu clingy clingy behavior and she recognize seh there is another world out there. She is simply exploring, she not sexing (yet). Focus on your life and make a success of yourself mek she see seh di grass green at home. If I’m wrong, mek she gwaan, stop yu whining and make a success of yourself, that is the greatest revenge. Get a nice new ride, upgrade yu closet and get some gorgeous arm candy. Tap di bawlin man, cho.
He loves is wife…wha wrong wid him loving her? U si wha u a tell di man fi go do?
:ngakak i see what Lali saying, but there’s hope for this couple.
BUT the man comes off a bit like he’s smoothering the life out of the relationship. He wasn’t clear about the accounts. Are they emails or banking accts?
She owes you a moment, for you to address exactly what you’ve shared with us…you will need a mediator it seems. Again, leave the religeous people out of it. She nah tek no bully tactic and it would be wrong to “guilt trip” her into mending the marriage.
But pp if him a smoother her as uno think……….this was the smothering she has been used to all this time…meaning their relationship existed on consisted of that type of relation..Mi think uno a mek him feel like him a so something wrong and nothing wrong with adoring someone….Its usually the men sometimes who fall out of love than the women so everything must have been going good until she was influenced
Wow to everything!
your wife is bored with you,comes from being together for such a long time.there’s no more excitement in the relationship suh shi start dash out pan a nex hombre.shi lock har phone cause shi nuh wah yuh si di pum pum an cocky picture weh dem a exchange.guh look a gyal or 2 an start fling cocky widout apology
big difference between love and obsession. mi seh, IF she has decided to pursue another love, lhow har
Women will never satisfy,they get a loyal man and they cheat on him and when they get a cheating man they complain. What uno really want?
In total agreement with anonymous 6.16PM , betta yet get a divorce and start run road red ,betta peace of mind.
They need to have a heart to heart. Don’t ppl in marriages check in with each other from time to time to take a temperature check to make sure both parties are getting what they need out of the relationship? Even if you feel your marriage is bliss you still need to check in. You need to sit and have the hard talk with each other.