WOMAN REMEMBERS ABUSE

It hppn when me did very young. Mi did a just 11, Mi neva really have a guilt inna e worl dawg. Mi did live with me fada, and him usually go work like 5 in the morning but we did poor bad so we did live Inna one house (rent) but a one 2 bedroom & latrin outside. The two bedroom a neva fi we alone, just one a it did a fi we. But it did part off well sealed, or so I thought. Anyways one morning when daddy go work me feel something real hot and me belly did a press out, me cudda feel eh weight , when me a try get up Mi get fi realize seh Smady depon tap a me, at that moment Mi cudda tell seh ammi neighbor cause him fat and him know exactly how fi get in. Anyways Mi did a try make noise but him push down me head Inna di bed weh Mi feel like Mi did ago stiffle. When him done him throw one wet rag paa me and seh “wipe up yo self” like I didn’t know what to do. Anyways mi siddung deh there and mi cry, worse knowning that me neva have nobody fi tell cause inna everybody mind me dida have sex

Why? Cause me have attitude, me batty & breasr did big, and then claim seh a when “pickney a get touch them look and act so” anyways Mi mother she used to call me baby whore and Mi usually feel bad, Mi Neva have a big sis, I had 6 but they were all over and the one I had was almost the same age as me, going through her own problem, I couldn’t tell dad cause yk how that would’ve been. So me take it, him start Dweet daily, every morning him Dweet, Mi just get used to it. Mi Neva did hurt so like how Mi hurt now, anyways, Mi did have one likkle boyfren inna grade 7 and me did end up go have sex with him, Inna my head them time him a di only Smady weh love me and care bout me, so me Neva waa him leave me and him mussi did realize, cause him did 3 yr older than me and him see me weakness and use it against me cause him used to be like if me nuh have sex with him him ago lef and spm. Poor me neva know nth, go do it with him and then sad thing my family go find out through phone.

Mi get beating and a bagga embarrassment, cause me mada loud me up and spread eh seh Mi ano she dawta and how much she nuh like me and one bagga spm. All I could do is walk with shame and adjust my self to all that was coming my way, all the names, bad look pon and something. So eh end up weh Mi run Rone wid eh boy ova & ova and every time them ketch we cause we did young a fool ya, still young but nuh so fool. Mi almost gaa famitary (girl’s home) but Mi daddy did beg fimme, my Mada she well did Waa me go, she couldn’t care if them kill me or nth. Daddy always have faith inna alla him Pitney them and him always got we. So the court ppl them seh Mi affi move from that environment so me did end up go live with me mada

Same town but inna one oda community. If Yuh understand that. Me did plan seh Mi ago change and be better eno, all did want a better relationship with my mada that’s all but anyways me deh up deh & when me just move up deh Mi usually call Mi stepfada by him name but add on uncle paa it, so call eh seh him name John, me call him Uncle John Or sometimes daddy. Me usually do things fi him inna a snap and some thing, Mi neighbor have one son, me and him a did fren from primary school but Mi neva really like him cause of some things, cya say cause him family ago Inna eh comments and Mk them Ago know a who if me describe him, anyways me did get close to him. Him did like me but me Neva Inna that, them time ya Mia 14 inno, so me seh yo can be me bestfren, same time, Mi Sista and har boyfriend and him child did come look fi we and spend eh weekend with we but we neva have eh space so mommy send me and Mi two likkle bredda them and me nephew up a Mi stepfada fi sleep, and same thing go happen.

Me neva seh no though, ano like me did want it, but if you or whosoever a read this know them people ya uno woulda understand so me take the pain like a g and seh it muss stop. Anyways fraa the man do that I Neva call him daddy nor uncle nth again, me nuh go a him yard nor nth mia move wild, but my Mada she Neva pick up nth, she did aa realize inno but she Neva did a pree it, always waa me go chat to him & spm, same time this man, him run taxi , him carry wata fimme mada , him is Smady weh Mi cudda talk to, but people did a seh we deh, cause everytime a him a carry wata fi we and me eva waa go and one bagga spm, we Neva pay them nuh mind still we just make them chat, til him realize seh Ami step fada a carry him name and a make up story cause Mi Mada tell him, Mi mada and him did have a good bond, alla me family btw. Anyways him start ask me why the man (step Fada) a behave so jealous and a call up me name, cause me couldn’t go noweh fi long , him would Aa start tell me Mada one bagga

one bagga spm and me mada wudda Start call dung Mi phone and gwan wid harself abd everything the man tell har she believe, so the taxi man ask Mi why and Mi tell him, when me tell him Mi ask fi nuh tell mommy but he did, anyways mi usually look fimme Sista paa weekends and go back home, so when me go back home is like argument betwn mommy & di Man start. Cause him start watch me and alla them Smt deh and thing and caryy me name to mommy and Smt. So one night mommy and him Mussi fall out she aa talk bout how every time me come a she yard she & har man affi fall out & she a cuss and go seh bout she have 6 gyal Pitney and me a di only one weh fuck har man. Smh. Everybody inna di town hear and Start pree me, a talk bout it and spm , all di boy next door, Mi neighbor him start talk bout him fuck me too and everybody start say them Dweet, all now me nuh do it, me nuh seh nth mhe take eh disgrace again likka g, so my Sista, take me inna hands, she Mussi see wah did ago happen, cause me know

Me did ago kill myself, she take me inna hands, have me down a she house and fraa that, a deh me live, here so them love me and care fimme, when me do wrong them talk to me & teach me the right, them treat me like them own and them got me back and everything. Me learn fi have morals and standards and goals and alla them something and mia put Mi potential to di best, Mia brite girl, always deh a di top ammi class and me glad me have da Sista here, she nuh know most a them ya stills