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Dear Pastor,

Greetings in the sweet name of Jesus. I have written to you before but got no answer. I hope you will answer this letter. I am a regular reader of your column and hoping you will keep up your good work.

I am a 23 and thinking about getting married. My girlfriend is 25 and has two children, a boy and a girl.

I used to say I wouldn’t marry a woman with children, but I am in love with this woman. She is the first woman I had sex with, and that happened two years ago. Since that time, we have been doing it. She even went and told her friends that I was a virgin, and how I am a slow learner.

I did not think that was something for me to be ashamed of, but a couple of her friends teased me and told her that she was lucky to have me.

Pastor, I am having a problem because her first child’s father wants to come back in her life. She told me that she still loves him, but I am her man so she is not leaving me. We don’t have any problem with the second child’s father. He gives money whenever he can. The first child’s father is the real problem because he was abroad, and has not said it to her but she believes he was deported. He is living with his parents and working with them.

He invited my girlfriend out to see a play and she told him she would go with him but I had to be there also. I told her I was not interested and, if she went that would have been the end of our relationship.

Sometimes I wonder whether I should continue to be with her. She has lots of experience and is working with a law firm. I am working and going to school in the evening. I talk to her about having a child with me and she plans to give me a child when I am 25. My father told me that when I am 25 she will not be ready, so I should do what I can do now.

I would love your advice. I am waiting on it.

A.J

Dear A.J,

You gave up your virginity to a woman who you believe loves you. It is unfortunate, however, that she had to go out and tell others what happened in the bedroom. She chats too much. Although you say you are not embarrassed, I don’t believe you. This woman said you are a slow learner. As I understand that, she was saying you were so naïve and inexperienced in the bedroom that she had to play the role of a teacher to a child. She chats too much.

Concerning the father of your girlfriend’s first child, the only conversation your girlfriend should hold with this man is concerning his child. If she is serious about you, she should not entertain any argument which suggests she is interested in him, would go out with him or renew the relationship with him.

I hope this woman is not fooling you and looking at you as someone she can push around. I know she took your virginity and is older than you, but that doesn’t mean that you have to behave as a boy to her.

I suggest both of you make an appointment with a family counsellor. I don’t think you are ready for marriage.

Pastor