Dear Taiwo,
I am in a fix; I really cannot believe I am in the middle of this situation I find myself. Not in my wildest dreams do I ever think I could ever be in the middle of a love tango, this is because right from my youth, I have never been an emotional person. This probably was because of my upbringing. I grew up in a home where there was no love lost between my parents.
My mother always had a course to quarrel with my daddy and their quarrel was always because of this strange woman or that other woman. Mother was always accusing daddy of keeping chains of women outside their marriage and this was always the reason why daddy did not have time for her or show her enough affection and love,
She never complained that daddy did not meet up to his financial obligations, her complaint was always lack of affection and love and sometimes she would cry so much that we almost all the time ended up crying with her.
Because of this, I made up my mind early in life not to get emotionally tangled with any woman I was not interested in making any woman cry the way my father made my mother, because she eventually became an emotional wreck. We eventually got to know that daddy actually had other women and other children outside our home and that wasn’t until after his death. For me this was the most painful aspect, because at those times, I used to believe mother was overdoing things a little bit.
This, however, did not mean that I did not date ladies when I was growing up, but I made sure I spelt out what I wanted at the onset of my relationship. This attitude of mine earned me a lot of names, but I really did not care because I never made any woman cry, at least none that I knew of.
It however is a thing of surprise, even to me that I could find myself in this type of situation, today. It all started six years ago, mother had another crisis, and we took her to the hospital, this time she was a little bad that she had to be admitted. I was her only male child and the only unmarried, so I was always around her at the hospital. I made sure I visited her before I went to work in the morning and I would go back to see her before going home in the night, sometimes if I had enough time, I would visit her during office hours when my work schedule was light.
To my main problem, it was at the hospital that I met Emma and her daughter. I really cannot lay my hands on what the attraction was, but I liked her from the moment I met her. Her two-year-old daughter was also sick, she was even on hospital admission too, she was being treated for measles. Emma was always around, every time I went to visit mum, sometimes her mother and siblings would be around to keep her company.
Sometimes, when I or my siblings, got to the hospital, mum, would ask us to thank her or her people as they had done this and that for her while we were not around. This got us talking, and I learnt that she was a youth corper, serving the nation at one of the big telecommunications companies.
She got pregnant for her boyfriend who travelled two years ago, and in fact her pregnancy became a controversy, until she gave birth to a girl before her boyfriend’s parents accepted her, because she took after him, he however had never set eyes on the little girl, but once in a while, his parents would come around to visit and his mother made sure that she took care of the little girl.
We became close and we started dating after the hospital admissions. I really liked Emma, I really had no choice and without knowing what hit me I fell in love with her. I never really believed that I could have any problem with her London guy or his family at any time. I was so used to her family and daughter that she actually called me dad.
Our relationship, however, had to wait a little before we decided to solemnise because she wanted to study for her master’s degree, I also had to travel out of the country for about two years, although, I had breaks and I came home often because of her and my mother.
Late last year when both of us had settled, we decided that it was time we tied the nuptial knot and we chose to get married in May this year because coincidentally, the three of us, Emma, her daughter and I were born in May, this however, was not to be, because her boyfriend and father of her daughter came back to the country in March and wanted her and her daughter back.
This was a guy who had earlier got married in the United Kingdom to a Nigerian lady and who had categorically spelt it out to Emma in black and white that he was not interested in her and her daughter. He never at any time cared for both of them; it was his mother who took care of the little girl whenever she could. He came back to the country because his mother took ill and died, and according to him, his interest in Emma and her child was fulfilling his mother’s death bed request.
I thought Emma, loved me enough to call his bluff and tell him to go to hell, I thought I had found my ideal woman in her, because apart from the fact that she is pretty, she has all the qualities any sensible man would want in a woman and all the qualities I particularly wanted in a woman I want to spend the remaining part of my life with.
Having waited for this long to find a life partner, I didn’t feel losing her to another man would do my life any good. At the initial stage, Emma stood her ground and insisted she wanted nothing with him, but she began to waiver when he started demanding for his daughter. She began to have a rethink. I never thought women could be so fickle minded. I am not really bothered about the fact that this man came back and started making problems, my problem however is Emma, because I felt she loved me to the extent that nothing could shake her feelings for me.
Sometimes, I wonder how women think, with all due apologies. This is a man she knew was married with his own family; I however cannot see why his threat to take his daughter away should give her any problem. I asked the question, which daughter? A girl who does not know him? A girl who calls me daddy and one I am ready to adopt and call my own for life, a girl I love like my own child. A girl loved by every member of my family.
Emma’s behaviour really destabilised me. I was shaken by her lack of loyalty. Although, we have been able to settle the issue. Emma’s mother stood her ground and vowed that Emma would not marry or have anything to do with this man.
What if she wasn’t here? What if there was nobody to stand up to him. What if a similar situation occurs after we get married or if already married before this guy came back, would Emma because of her love for her daughter abandon our marriage? Does she really love me?
Monica, I have my doubts, I really don’t want a situation that I would have to regret marrying her in future. Please, help me; I really need your advice before I commit myself to a life I would live to regret. My mother, siblings and friends, have assured me that all would be well, but I still have my reservations.
Does Emma love me enough? Does she trust me enough to be her daughter’s father? Or why did she ever think of going back to her daughter’s father? I am yet to find answers to these questions and I don’t think I will be happy until I can.
Please, help me.


  1. I always go by my first intuition it never failed me If he’s doubting her loyalty that means she aint loyal. Plus the fact that she even considered to go back to a man that never acknowledged n took care if her kid shows u that your too good for her n your just the fill in her heart belongs to another man. Women like thisalways get luck with men. These hoes ain’t loyal

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