How much lies can I take from these men?
Dear Taiwo,
I really need your counsel and those of your readers to know how I can handle this situation. I have always given myself kudos for common sense and after all I went through in my first marriage, I never believed any man could get me this cheap again because I believed I would be very careful when it comes to men and the issues of the heart and love.
I met and started dating Deji, my former husband when I was in the premier University precisely in my 300level. Due to the school’s policy, 200 and 300 level students are not entitled to hostel accommodation in school, so most of us resided off campus. My best friend and classmate and I lived in a boys’ quarter apartment in a lecturer’s house which was quite close to The Polytechnic Ibadan’s gate. We counted ourselves lucky because it gave us access to two outlets from the university.
On the fateful day that Deji and I met, we had gone out to the market without the intention of staying out late because we knew the gate would be locked at a stipulated time, we however returned as the gate was being locked. We pleaded with the gatemen, but instead of letting us into the varsity side they insulted us. Meanwhile, we had pleaded with the men at the other side and they were willing to let us through.
Deji, saw us from afar and walked up to us and asked the gatemen what happened, during his interaction with them, my friend and I learnt that he wields a strong influence in the school and he is quite popular. He prevailed on the gatemen and they eventually allowed us in. We exchanged numbers and that was how we became friends and we eventually started dating. As at the time I met him, Deji was a final year engineering student.
He got a good job after his National Youth Service Corps (NYSC) exercise and he was ready to get married by the time I finished my service. I am sure you would wonder why the hurry. Apart from the fact that he was an only son, he also wanted to travel out of the country to further his studies. We loved each other and as at that time, it was just the right thing to do.
He travelled out three months after our wedding. He stayed in the US for five years. Although, I visited him often and he also came home on holidays, but we were not settled enough to have a baby. Our inability to have a child for that long according to my mother-in-law led to series of trouble and trauma for me. As at the time I made up my mind to resign from work and join my husband in the US as advised by friends and well wishers, Deji was ready to come back home. I was happy with the development because either here or in the US, the bottom line was for me to live with my husband.
I really couldn’t say what happened, but even after Deji returned to the country; we were still unable to have a child. We visited hospitals, ran different tests and both of us were certified okay to have children. My mother kept encouraging me and praying along with me, but it wasn’t the same thing with my mother-in-law and my husband’s other siblings. They blamed me and wanted him to marry another wife.
In as much as I would have understood the fact that there was much pressure on Deji to take another wife, I couldn’t come to terms with the fact that when he wanted to pick another woman to have a child for him, he chose my best friend.
All the while that I was going through the difficult times, I thought my friend stood by me because she loved me because I was also there for her during her trying times. We got married almost at the same time and her own children came in quick succession. Unfortunately, she lost her husband and I was there for her. I lost my mother an only parent not long after my husband returned from the US, the pain of her loss and the trauma I was facing from being childless were much for me. She was however always around to comfort me.
Three years after my husband returned from the US, my friend told me she was relocating to Abuja from Lagos; I was shocked because we had no prior discussion of this, because we always discussed issues. She couldn’t give me a good explanation, I noticed that she was in a hurry to leave town. Even after she left with her two children, I made attempts to visit her, but she always came up with excuses for me not to visit.