There was a ticklish spectacle to behold at a house in Nakuru East District when a drunk man, in his desperate attempts to assert authority, got more than he bargained for after his wife returned the favour in style. The man, only identified as Johny, returned home high as a kite, woke up his wife and children and began demanding for a warm meal. However, his furious and fed up wife turned tables on him, attacking him with an adept and masterful kung fu kick that sent him rolling on the floor, as his tickled children burst out in rapturous laughter. But the enraged woman was not done yet, she forced him to lick his own vomit, amid drunken pleas from him begging for forgiveness and promising to stop drinking. One of the couple’s children, expressing her shock at how proficient her mother was at Chinese martial arts, scandalised her father as she entertained neighbours the following day with drama that had transpired that night. Apparently, the man had staggered home way past 11p.m that night from a drinking spree. His angry wife, who had endured him reporting home late, grudgingly opened the door and let him in. “Amka, nifungulie mlango! Ama niingie nayo (Wake up, open this door. Or you want me to flatten it)?” yelled the man in a garbled up speech, whilst banging the door. Once in the house, the drunk, as usual, pushed the joke a bit too far by demanding a warm meal — pronto. Little did he know that his fed up wife was a consummate combatants, complete with kung fu skills. Hell broke loose with the woman expressing her anger in a rather muscular way. See also: Curse of being a bachelor: Unmarried Kenyan men reveal 8 agonising things they have to endure She floored him with a skillful chop, which saw him sprawled on the floor as he vomited in the process. The puke splattered on shoes and slippers and soiled a pair of bed sheets. The woman dragged her husband through the vomit, asking him to lick it. Efforts by the man to plead for forgiveness fell on deaf ears. His wife kicked him around and read him the riot act, even as he begged to be spared. Laughing stock The drunken man was no match for the physically agile wife who took the opportunity of his poor coordination and lack of balance to rain massive blows on him.
“Guku nyumba irio gutiri mbeca ciothe uthiaga kunywa njohi nacio. Umuthi ukuria matahiko macio (There is hardly any food in this house because you waste every coin on alcohol. Today you’ll eat up that vomit)!,” fumed the woman. She only stopped when he sobered up — courtesy of the beatings, and pleaded to be let to clean the mess using a mop. The evidence of the assault — broken and swollen lips, scratched face and all – prompted neighbours to probe one of the couple’s children who spilled the beans. In a strange turn of events, the woman has since moved back to her parents’ home, fearing for her life. She allegedly left because she has been living in fear. She told neigbours she is afraid her husband could be planning a deadly retaliatory attack on her, since he has been turned into a laughing stock by neighbours. The marriage now hangs in the balance.
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