HIM SEH LIFE ALERT FI EVERYBADDIE

Michael C. Bruins
April 21 at 7:01pm · Baileys Crossroads, VA ·
I want life alerts placed on all the legends over the age of 50… Actually 45 just to be safe. Because I refuse to lose anymore legends this year. The following demands need to be met.
Stevie Wonder is no longer allowed to take the stairs.
Gladys doesn’t need to be on any Midnight Trains to Georgia…she can skype.
Patti shouldn’t be eating any of the Patti Pies.
Give Aretha the RESPECT she’s asking for so her blood pressure stays down.
Chaka Khan needs to make sure her hair is tied down when going on any roller coaster or doing any manual labor.
Speaking of labor… Janet better be taking every prenatal vitamin known to man. And if she ever does tour again NO PYROtechnics!
I want oxygen tanks to be on standby at Toni Braxton’s house.
K-ci needs to stay away from Mary J Blige, not even a Christmas card!
Diana Ross better not be Upside Down for any unapproved purposes.
Maze and Frankie Beverley will only be singing the “joy” part of “Joy and Pain”
Mariah is not allowed to teach her kids how to drive when they become of age.
Ron Isley will no longer be performing Contagious because I don’t need him to catch anymore cases.
Al Green isn’t allowed in IHOP or by grits

https://www.youtube.com/user/calvinb2006/videos

Anita Baker will only be performing the Body portion of “Body & Soul”
Babyface is now allowed to Keep Secrets
T-Boz isn’t allowed under any waterfalls unless they’re room temperature. Extreme hot and cold trigger sickle cell attacks.
Tina Turner doesn’t need to be a private dancer anymore because a doctor needs to be in the room at all times.
Kool and the Gang will be taking the “Gang” out of their name so there are no issues with law enforcement.
Roberta Flack will no longer be strolling in the park after sunset.
When Smokey Robinson says “take a good look at my face” do it! Literally and make sure there are no signs of paralysis on either side.
Sade always goes into hiding for 7 years and it’s been 7 years since the last album. Someone go knock on her door and make sure she’s good. If she isn’t make sure to give her the Kiss of Life.
If Lionel Richie starts yelling hello from the other room make sure to check in on him. He also won’t be dancing all night long for exhaustion reasons. 45 mins is good enough.
R. Kelly isn’t allowed in buildings with more than one floor since he still believes he can fly. At least if he leaps out of a first floor window he’ll only sprain his ankle.
I want Dougie Fresh the human beat box to carry an inhaler at all times just in case.
We will no longer be walking on by Dionne Warwick without an AED inspector in hand. And some in hide her cigarettes please.
That is all.
Thanks Management.