A co- worker has been in a 17 year relationship and has a 12 year old child with the man she has been in the relationship with
She has caught him cheating and has taken him back in the past. He received a call in the middle of the night and informed her
After not answering that it was a friend. Due to her suspicions and mistrust she decided while he was in the bathroom to check
his phone. Not only did she check the call log, she checked the text messages. Low and behold the same number that called turned
out to be a female who sent lots of scantily clad pictures. Based on the conversation in the text, the man seemed to have engaged
into a new relationship with the next woman. She has ended the relationship two days ago but feels like she cannot move on.
Question: Should you check a man’s cell phone if you have suspicion of him cheating and if so does this lady have self esteem issues
for not knowing how to go forward?


  1. mi nuh touch mi man phone and him nuh touch mines. Check at yur own risk. If you are prepared to leave, him knock yurself out. Don’t look for what you nuh waan fi find.

      1. Of course it will!!!!! look how much faithful partner never had a clue that their partner was being unfaithful until dem go Doctor and find out seh dem have Aids!!!!!

  2. Don’t look for what u not prepared to find simple u intuition a tell u say something a gwaan trust it r leave it alone mi love keep a tab pon di phone but realise say I’m hurting my self more in the process so I stopped

  3. I’m not a Kocki Matlock miself, but if the suspicions of cheating are so high, you normally wouldn’t have to check the phone anyway, you’ll only find confirmation there.
    Obviously your friend has some issues with her self esteem. Not because she checked the phone, but because she is with a cheat. Things that she thought were “real” in the relationship will now have a different tinge on them. Worse is that after being a cheat, a cheat is a liar.
    You’d do best advising your friend not to rack her brains about “why” her ex cheated. Cheats cheat because they are cheats. On confrontation, I’ve never heard a cheat give an excuse for their cheating that a normal, healthily minded person wouldn’t see as a reason to LEAVE a relationship.
    Remember that your friend will probably be feeling a bit of a fool for taking her ex back the previous times(s). Time is what will make her get over it. As a friend, let her vent and reel her back in if any plans of revenge are hatching in her mind. Also, make sure she keeps her dignity., as far as possible. All she can do to go forward is live and carry on as normally as possible. She may not be the life and soul of the party, for now, but not every problem in a woman’s life can be cured by jumping onto a next dick. It’s been two days! Gotdamn.

    1. Exactly??? I was thunking the ssme dsmn thing, how she ecpectto move on so qquickly? Once a cheat most likely always s cheat ESPECIALLY SINCE SHE GAVE HIM THR RIGHT TO ONCE SHE LEFT AND TOOk HIM BACK. NEVER TAKE BACK A CHEATER UNLESS YOU EXPECT TO BE CHEATED ON. ONCE YOU LEFT KEAVE THAT WAY HE WILL LEATN AND DONT CHEAT ON THE NEXT CHICK

  4. My advise to Co-Worker would be if you are in search of confirmation by all means search, only a guilty man or one with something to hide would object. I freely answer hubby’s phone and he is welcome to do the same with mine. Sounds to me that after 17 years you co-worker was reluctant to move on even after the cheating so for her she accomplished nothing but hurting herself and going forward the lack of respect will continue and the cheating with that woman or any other will not cease due to her repeated condonances.

  5. Check, check, check it if a suh yuh feel. But don’t call down the woman phone a ask bare question….damn fool. Go communicate with your man make him tell you what’s going on.

  6. Check the phone only if you are prepared to leave. It doesn’t make any sense if you find something that points to cheating and you don’t leave.

    1. Real Thing Pattypage, cauz some a dem a must cheese……..mi nuh know how dem love bun so, all when dem get d evidence seh d man a cheat dem still nah left, anything yuh accept, a dat yuh a get, so if him cheat on yuh multiple times and yuh put up wid it, yuh gwine get bun so till yuh bun up, or get bun, till dem can all open a bakery too!!!! so mek dem stay deh

  7. I wouldn’t conclusively say she has low self esteem, there could be other issues as to why she has stayed in the relationship. Upbringing for one, what if she was raised to believe in staying with ur spouse working thru ur problems especially if the union produced
    child/ren. What if he is kind, is a provider a protector etc? IOW the pros outweigh the cons? 17 years is a long time for someone on the outside judging to give an overly simplified response as to girl just kick him to thhe curb. On the other hand I am not saying girl stay in the reationship either. I have witnessed relationships whereby men have cheated and the women stuck in there and later on they’re fine. i’ve also experienced the opposite outcome as to one feeling they wasted their years staying. Take for instance
    Hilary Clinton I’m sure some ppl wanted her to leave Bill. It’s normal for ur friend to feel
    as if she can’t move on, but only she can really make that determination as to what she should ultimately do.

    1. Startled, u startle me. I’m gonna assume you’re a nice lady. Please don’t promote the thing for women to stay in relationships where they getting the shit treatment. Yuh not doing di sisters any good.

      I man want to see my daughter think straight – if a man fuk himself, lef him. Kick da nigga to di curb. We men no really change fi ppl, so remember dat.

      1. Exactly!!!! He may treat her good, pay the bills etc,. But what good is all that living in misery? It screwing up your health and making you grow bitter. When yiu finally leave taking out your anger on all nen acusjng them of being the same. If love hurts move on because its not supposed to find better or be by yourself, ni one can make you happy but you. 17 years with the dog woman up and gind s real man, it can happen, your age no mean nutten

      2. @ Johnny be good I’m going to assume ur a nice man. Evidently u missed my point. I would in no way shape or form advice someone to remain in an abusive relationship. It’s fine for u to tell ur daughter the first sign of cheating she should exit the relationship. However, I HAVE PERSONALLY SEEN RELATIONSHIPS STRENGTHENED AND SURVIVED CHEATING.
        If the subject in this story is ur daughter I will say to her listen to ur parent, if she is not ur daughter I am going to say to her It’s ur decision to make.

    2. If you decide to stay no matter what then why act up then? Just accept it and keep quiet, ehy keep leaving just to go back? The only way the situation will chsngr is if she decide to let him go, if he really mean her any good he will return a chsnge man when she finslly tske him back, after a good amount of time not just 2 days or a week after she make her decision. He will change for her if she give him the time and reason to. Let him see you gone, let him realize he cant live without you and see the chsnge. Right now she cant live without him , he knows that and thats the reason hes playing the ass. LEAVE HIM , DONT RUN HIM DOWN, LET HIM COme running BACK AND AFTER YOU DONE TORTURE( OUT EITH OTHER MEN) HIM, IF YOU STILL INTERESTED TAKE HIM BSVK, HE EILL BE A NEW MAN.

    3. I happen to agree 100% with your assessment of the situation. I think women are too quick to kick the man to curb because of cheating when the alternative can be equally as painful. A 17 year relationship is like a marriage and is not something one necessarily drop because of some indiscretion on the path the man. After all, the woman could be the reason for the man’s philandering ways.

      1. The woman could be the reason? Never you blame a persons indiscretions on the other person in the relationship. If the man didn’t want to be a cheater him did free fi lef before it reach to dat…can’t blame nobody but dem own damn self.

    4. That is the reason I said do not search if you are not prepared to leave. If you love your man and he is a good provider and the whole nine yards and cheating is not a good enough reason to leave, don’t look for what you can’t handle

  8. Watch it mek me runn eeein like a real comforter/comfata 🙂

    My girl, and hopefully black sister, you have to understand how the man thing work in case nobody never tell you bout it. RULE OF THUMB. HIDE AND SEEK THING A PLAY THING. NOT GOOD FOR RELATIONSHIPS.

    If yuh relationship serious and is a partnership, then as far as di phone goes, NO SECRETS TO DI TING. Yuh see it?

    What i mean is this – in the real relationships, whether uptown or downtown, nobody no hide nutten because di respect high, and once you start hiding, TRUST gets fukk. If i hear my wife/girl phone ringing, why mi can’t answer it? And it goes the same either way.

    So when you dealing with a person, who says NO GO INNA OR ANSWA MI PHONE, wat they are really saying is that MI HAVE NUFF FI HIDE, SO HOLD U BOUNDARIES AND JUST GWAAN TEK WEH MI GI YUH.

    1. go johnny, johnny be good tonite yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh….,big people ting wi a deal wid sed suh :rate

    2. You are right sto a certain extent. I don’t have anything to hide and I hope my man doesn’t either but there is a difference between answering the phone and searching the phone. If my man is not able to answer his own cell phone that means he is not able to talk. I don’t have to pick up his phone to tell the caller that. his voicemail can tell them that he is not available.

  9. Lady let me get str8 to the point with you. If hes constantly looking its because hes not happy with you and the only reason hes still with you is because you refuse to stop being with him. If after 17 long years hes not contented knowing you are the woman in is life that loving , caring and respecting him, thrn he will never see you as his better half, its time to stop being the naive. You can move on , you will move on and you must because once he find what he looking for or even anotherwoman willing to take him off your hands hes gonna leave and when he does you will feel worse than you feeling now.

  10. mi cant even laff…… trouble tek yuh lawd a god pickney shut it ago fit you…..wooiiiee……….so she need fi wear di new shirt fi a while….see how it feels……dat is all……

  11. i used to say i would never look at my man phone but i live in the state and my man live in jamaica, i went to jamaica his phone keep ringing at 1 to 3 in the morning i counted over 24 calls at one point, i ask why he dont answer he said its his friend calling him because they want him to go to the club, i was like ok, for the entire week this keep happing in night an day, so one day he leave the phone on the charger and went outside, the phone ring and i answer he has the girl name save as one of his friends i answer and she wanted to know why am answering her man phone even though she dont even know where he lives so i check his phone i dont care what know one say she send him all kinda picture of her parts so yes am checking

  12. you better check it. if you want to know what the real deal is. Nuff women live in a fantasy what you don’t know will hurt you. i check my mans phone n if i see anything on it i don’t like I’m Outta there… too many men in the world to itch up under a dishonest cheater. no thanx.. i check.

    1. Trust mi man check woman phone just d same or even more than woman, cauz 1 time mi a look fi a friend of ours # inna mi partner phone, when me tek a stop about 3 a my number mi see him have save inna him phone under different name. When I asked him about it he laughed it off and said he saw those numbers called my phone more than once and he saved them to call and see if it was a male, but he got d confirmation that he had nothing to worry about. That revelation was quite surprising to me, cauz there I was thinking seh a me alone a tek a 1 peep inna him phone when him a write out and save #, yuh think dem easy, dem worst than d woman dem weh a search!!!!!lol

  13. @ Johnnybegood: Thats a very interesting commentary, you are so right about that. When the trust in the relationship goes, then the respect will follow suit, bitterness will set in and then finally all hope will be lost, and love goes soon after. A woman’s intuition is her best tool, we normally have a sixth sense when it comes on to certain things like that. Im of the opinion that what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is yours, you should be able to answer my phone and I should be able to answer yours if its ringing and he/she is not available, or look at pics etc if you cant do that then 10 to 1 chances are, you are aware that your partner is being unfaithful and you know if you pick up that phone yuh a go see evidence of he/she infidelity, so you are just in denial, because the man warn them off and tell them seh if him ever ketch them wid him phone wah and wah a go happen, some of these ladies nowadays, damn well know them matey name & telephone number etc….., and see and hear dem man a get msg and call inna some bad 2 & 3 a clock and damn well know seh a matey a call and cant seh a word, but them just want to live under the pretense that they have a have a happy life when they know thats the furthest from the truth. I think if all conscience are clear, and yuh nuh guilty of anything, there is no need to hide your phone or prohibit your partner from answering your phone or view pics now and again, or to make a call, but both phones must can stay side by side when going to bed, without having to get an heart attack when a call or message comes in and your partner is there. Some ppl when them phone ring them cant answer it in d room, them affi go a mile from them partner before them can answer it, cauz them dont know if a joe or joan grine a call. Any how mi have a suspicion, mi a search mi nuh care who want seh insecure blah blah blah a fi dem business, well if bun sweet dem, dem can gwaan tek it and nyam it, but when I dun FBI and CIA pan him baxide him wi know wah God him serve, cauz mi nah mek no bwoy and him gal a text text and a call call and a chat bout a him friend and mi si dung like claffy yuh mussi mad, when him a gi bun everybody know and u a d last fi know??? Mi want find out from early so a can knip it inna d bud, and call d gal to and tell har thanks fi tek d shit bucket from mi of course, him gwaan else where wid it, not in my cabinet. If he wants to cheat, Im sure he must have seen d signs long before he decides to step out of the relationship, Y stay and make both of us life miserable??? If he feels that the grass is greener on d other side just gggooooo!!!! and I’ll even him pack, Hell Yeah!!! A male friend of mine always seh if yuh want to know if yuh man a cheat, just grab up him phone and run go lock up in a d bathroom, if him chase off a yuh and out fi kick dung d door well him guilty as hell, but if he is not the least bit perturbed by it, and allow you to do what you are doing and then take it back when you are finish, then you know he is not up to anything.

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