People please lend your support…nuh badda wid di put down thing because a lot of women find themselves in this..These men are real predators
I got married some time last year, during our time of dating he told me he’s not legal in America. Before we got married everything was great, we saw each other often despite the distance, communication was great late nights and early morning. Something tragic happened before getting married and I was done for a while. Time came around we got married, nothing extravagant. Right after the wedding there it started, females popping up out of nowhere we spoke about it and let’s say things changed.
As the months past things started getting worst, less phone calls, not seeing each other as often or not at all(didn’t live together) birthdays were a disaster, females calling to find out who am I. What do I do about this we just got married??
No paper work was done for legal status but plans are always been made to do paperwork. Kept trying to work out things the “D” word came up a few times, counseling was suggested nothing happened. Everyday its an argument over something (being unfaithful),I ask why did we get married so many times and the answer is always “because I love you”. At this point things are like dealing with a “deadbeat baby daddy”. No paper work has been started as yet because of financial problems and maybe negligence but the only paperwork I would love to see is Divorce.
It’s like how does one go about and treat someone like this? Someone that tried to help you? Someone who was always there for you when all those friends you say you have didn’t even care about you? It makes me think twice about ever helping someone again(not referring to marriage just general help). This has taken a toll on my body emotionally, physically, socially and financially.
Ladies please be careful of the men we allow in your lives. I’m learning so many things now that I didn’t know prior to jumping the broom. Men who were “sexually or physically abused” as a child are the hardest to deal with especially if they haven’t had any therapeutic help, so please open our eyes instead of our hearts to these predators.
I know I’m going to be able to put all of this behind me one day and heal from all this but it’s going to take some time.
Time heals all wounds….
Most woman have that ONE man that has taken them for a fool or for a ride……you just hope that this happens when you’re young & inexperienced & that once that DOES happen that you can ‘learn from your mistakes’ & learn what ‘signs’ you should look for & also that you do more in depth ‘investigations’ instead of taking everything them say at face value.
Trust me, being fooled by a man has happened to the BEST of us & it is has been happening from the beginning of time & I don’t see it stopping anytime soon. Just count this as a learning experience & DO LEARN FROM IT!!!
Hi I’m sorry for ur pain but this was a recipe for disaster but WALK AWAY now cause if u had put in the papers n then this smh if u think u hurt now just factor in hurt n USED. Again it hurts n it’s clear u see wats going on here so WALK AWAY best of blessings and pray a lot on it
Well it’s a clear sign to move right on. Don’t bother to stay around for any more foolishness from you don’t see a change move on. If your not ready for that don’t n I mean don’t file no papers for him. He must understand that his behaviour is not tolerated or accepted. Let all these trail of women put their name on the line. We as women expecially good women deserve more than this shit all the time. Start set standards high n don’t take no foolishness from no man.
We all make errors in judgement, no one is perfect. I’m sure at some point most women have picked A wrong man through out their life time. This is just a lesson well learned. Move on all this too shall pass
Sender I feel you pain especially wen you said, “physically or sexually abused,’ men are the hardest to deal with. Let me add emotional abuse too, as the saying go, “hurt people, hurt people.” I was dealing with a man who was such a cheater, liar,etc. He took care of me $ wise, but mi heart felt the burden. One day mi cry to a professor in college cuz mi couldn’t tek it and she said, “as long as this man don’t get help for his issues, hurting you will always be an issue. she said, don’t be mad at him cuz he is a victim too.” I didn’t know what she meant, until she said, “he is a victim of many things, lack of attention and affection as a child, victim of his own insecurities as a man etc. ” It was then mi look into it an saw that it was true, how him describe how his mom treated him, how him insecure bout him age and looks(he wasn’t handsome, but he had a way about him that was very attractive) when I realized his behavior was all him and had nothing to do with me, I got over the hurt, then I left him. To this day, he is the same. Sender, your man will never change, cut your loss, and move on. God bless.
Thank you, are you sure we not talking about the same person? lol
lol, Sender a you dis? No sah cuz mine nuh live in the country no more,so mi sure. lol. but the man dem have the same M.O. Keep yuh head up, it’s a situation where one day yuh a go can look in the mirror and she, “it truly wasn’t me it was all him.” Good luck, and blessings on blessings to you.
Sender I feel your pain, I was in a similar situation we didn’t get married but when he landed in jail I was there for him but find out there were two other woman and one was his baby mother, in time I moved on he verbal disrespected me in front of his baby mother and from there I moved on, I hurt, hurt real bad the words that came out that man mouth cut deep… Then time went by and I received a call from him, he was still locked up on hold to be sent back home, apparently both of those woman left him and moved on his baby mother never produced the baby birth record to help him in court, I always questioned if that child was truly his… He calls with this big apology and wanting me to forgive him and go visit him, and how he truly realized he let the wrong person go by that time it was too late, I felt bad fi him same way so the good person that I am I visited him and but money on his books, there from thick to thin and right now we still correspond but not in that way to were I would give him another chance… So it’s hard when you love someone and you put your all inna it and the other person never had all of him into it as well… But the good Lord has someone for us all… Heal and love yourself before you can love someone else again, you must build trust and be strong…
we all have our stories Ocean Breeze, mi glad u cuda look past his behavior and still help him, y wen yuh a good woman yuh attract losers and users, who tek advantage of you goodness? you know how dem say there are five stages to grief? well there are five stages of cheating men behavior, see if you recognize any of this:
step 1 denial- “yo, mi nuh know weh yuh a talk bout, you crazy.”
Step 2 reassurance-“baby mi love yuh enuh, no other gal to mi ting like you,etc.”
Step 3 tearing the other woman down- (if yuh nuh tek him back after step 2) “baby who she mi nuh waan dat, she means nothing to me,” blah, blah, blah”
Step 4- disbelief and accusations(dis is if step 2and 3 fails)- “you really a go lef mi fi dat, a man you find, a who a fuxs yuh? stop listen to yuh friend dem!”
Step 5( when dem see she yuh realy dun) sometimes dem become physically and/or verbally abusive, “hey dutty gal, weh all me did a do wid you, you are nothing but a b!t(h,” etc.
Run for the hills! You have no kids with him and you haven’t file the paperwork yet so do yourself a huge favor and run ..run as fast as you can bc it will only get worse! All the best honey!
There are men out there that are going through stuff that they went through growing up, but because of their ego they find it difficult to speak to someone, which can be damaging to people around them because of their actions.
Now regarding your marriage, my dear the signs are there and God gave u the wisdom to recognize them, sweetheart get a divorce this man is going to drag u to nothing and leave u as soon as he gets a green card. Let one of those other women deal with him save yourself and your beauty for the man that God has ordained for u. And with everything u do take it to God in prayer first, ask for guidance, go to church when u can and fast sometimes fastings are not only for people that are saved because God is merciful and He’ll listen to u. I wish u all the best try to make that first step to the court and if u don’t have the money I think there’s still a way u can do it without paying.
Sorry that you are going through this but DO NOT FILE ANY PAPERS FOR HIM WALK AWAY FROM THIS DISASTER ASAP.
I’m truly sorry for ur pain,however from a man’s perspective I can tell u this sweet lady.Plz take some time to introspect urself,yea take stock of urself.This is not to blame u hun cuz it is always way too easy to blame the Dutty men them.
This is abt Finding out what is it abt u that attracted that kind of person.Could u have Done anything Differently,are u totally blameless in how things unfolded.
Once uve satisfied urself uve been truthful to ur ownself…then run the Johncrow n keep it moving cuz u were powerless to stop his Bs.
Ladies ,ladies ,ladies unnuh fi tap file paper fi man , a luv unnu a try find , it doesn’t exist , get real and grow up some more , if yuh cant find luv where you at , you will neva find it.
We as men will always lie , cause if wi tell yuh the truth , unnu woulda commit suicide.
Here’s a hint, yuh tek a man from the islands and really expect him to stay with you when yuh expose him to things him neva expose to before, really!!!
When you deh a east and him deh a west , yuh think him a back him fist , really!!!
And mi nuh know how in this day and age unnuh expect man fi have one woman , really!!!
One PUSCI kill cocky.
Stop dating projects!!!!
A real man doesn’t need your help to get ahead, he has everything in him to propel himself forward. Stop looking to help men, most men will never respect a woman who has to help him up, they are just not wired that way. They want to be in the dominant position, or at least complete equals. Too many women take up broken men thinking if they fix them up, they are guaranteed loyalty and love, the opposite is what you will get 90% of the time. Leave projects alone and look to fully actualized men. Many of you are suffering from low self-esteem and self-worth so you keep dating low end, because you feel you can’t get better.
Thanks Met and thank you all for your kind words. I’m trying real hard to move along, as for doing paperwork that been ou :2thumbup t of my head the minute all the craziness started its just the funds I’m trying to garner to pay a lawyer. Thanks again everyone I appreciate it. :2thumbup
:kiss anytime love… you will find the money when the time is right..Dont throw your good pearls to swines, he is showing his ass already and he hasnt gotten a thing so it will bring more sadness to your life if you proceed
@Sender, I HAVE ONLY LOVED ONE MAN INA ME LIFETIME…I loved him when i was very young INTO MY late 20s when he decided to go back and marry his babymada. From then till now, no man has the power to ever get near me heart. I PRAY ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME AND ASK GOD FI FREE ME UP, BUT FEAR CRIPPLE ME. Not even me son fada caan get too close to heart, i guard it wid grid-iron. EXPERIENCE TEACHETH WISDOM. Recite the serenity prayer, it brings me comfort, but TIME HAS YET TO HEAL MY WOUNDS…IF I WERE U I WOULD RUN AND NEVA LOOK BACK..I AM A CANCER(ASTROLOGY) AND I HOLD SOME SERIOUS GRUDGE, I PRAY ABT THAT TOO.
RUN SENDER RUN…..DONT LOOK BACK….TEK OFF YUH SHOES AND RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Senda, I echo everything said up top. You will be OK, as long as you learn the lessons from this experience, keep them close to your heart and don’t do it again. I have often thought why do “good” women pick men like these ones? I believe women of substance could save ourselves a lot of hurt if we’re able to give to a man who we know isn’t right for ua and not make it a relationship (sexual or otherwise). Them only date men more compatable with us. Often time as women, especially when single we approach relationships as this: If he isn’t who we need or want we can shape them into it. We expose them to our way of life, and expose them to things that they are not use to and think they will change and become like us or like the things the same as us. LiSTEN , “water seeks it own level”. A person is who they are and will be. So, if you meet a man who cheats there is a good chance he will continue to cheat. Or if he has no ambition and lazy chances are that how he’ll stay. No amount of exposure to whole food, church service, your family vacation home, Satre, Orwell, brunch or BBQ with your college friends, Benihana or the Art gallery on a Friday night is going to change him. He might go along for sometime but eventually there will be conflict, simply put your values and his are just not the same. Please understand I am not saying his values are wrong and yours are right or better. All I am saying he not for you. So learn from this my sister, leave him alone and find someone who shares the same values as you, love the thing you love…believe they are out there. But always, remember this here: water always sinks to it own level.
Dash weh dat. Sometimes the signs are there even before but we always think things will work so we ignore
@ Anonymous 12:15 p.m. – Thank you…. It’s hard for good woman like ourselves to still be good woman after a man has down grade you in for a woman that left you… I haven’t forgiving him for that even though until this day he wants me to look past it, that he made the wrong choice and he regret it now but it is too late… I helped and that was it, it wasn’t going to be a on going help… He has a wife and she’s not helping to him from what his telling me but I don’t put nothing pass him at all..